Sunday, December 23, 2007

But Wait, There's More! (Nativities Gone Awry)

Today we have... yes... Nativitywear! Also from Cavalcade of Bad Nativities.

This Nativity sweater makes the perfect Christmas gift for that special soccer mom or step-aunt on your list.

The rich dark color and fine detail of this hand-sewn Nativity sweater makes it a natural choice for an evening of caroling or delivering Christmas treats to your neighbors or bridge group.

Men, we've got you covered, too. Show your holiday spirit at work with these one-of-a-kind "Nativi-ties" from The Salvation Army collection at JC Penney.

This unisex Nativity jacket is rugged but handsome, and ideal for hunting, fishing, chopping wood or slaughtering a Christmas hen. Then brush it off and wear it to Christmas Eve worship services, because it's versatile as well.

The Nativity belt buckle. A bold but stylish choice for men, and it fits most Farah and Dockers (R) brand belts.

Hurry! Supplies are limited for this QVC exclusive Nativity sweater from the Linda Evans Collection.

A bit more low key than the other Nativity sweaters, but just as lovely, and with its own sewn-in faux satin turtleneck. Class and style at an affordable price.

Nativity Scenes Gone Horribly Awry

There's a line in the great Woody Allen movie, Hannah And Her Sisters, where a character says, "If Jesus came back today, he'd never stop throwing up." Why? Because of crap like this.

All photos (and a couple of the jokes) from Cavalcade of Bad Nativities. Many thanks to LOTD regular Todd for the link.

Mr. Bill Nativity. Oh nooooooooooooo!

O Little Village Of The Damned...

Owl Nativity. Whoooo, whoooo, whoooose child is this?

Nativity Ball 'n' Paddles. Hit the baby Jesus and you lose a turn.

Tonight on CMT, it's Christmas At The Grand Ole Opry! Starring The Dixie Chicks, Rascal Flatts and Loretta Lynn! With special guest star, the baby Jesus!

Nativity S'mores. Eat one. I dare you.

Santa wasn't at the birth of Jesus, you dummies. He was delivering gifts!

King Herod's always after me Lucky Charms!

Naked Troll Nativity

The Jesus In The Plastic Bubble

The Nativity Egg Timer. Counting down the minutes to your arrival in Hell.

Nativity Snowmen. Better get baby Jesus into a refrigerated boxcar before He melts.

Giant Inflatable Nativity. Nothing tells your neighbors "We're religious freaks!" quite like it.

Nativity Candle, with the delicate aroma of livestock and childbirth.

Jawa Nativity. "The Force is strong with this one."

Nativity Spinning Ornament. Pull the tassel and 'round she goes. Classy!

He looks like he's gonna high-dive into the crib.

Hobbit Nativity. The one ring -- uh, king -- to rule them all.

Precious Moments Nativity, featuring Baby Jesus with supersized feet.

I never saw an angel with horns before.

Even the dogs know this is wrong.

Away in a bathtub, no crib for a bed...

Angel's feathery wings also light up. Always trying to steal the spotlight from little Jesus.

Santa: "So, have you been a good little boy this year?"

Holy hairballs, it's Nativity Cats!

Nativity Chickens

Nativity Cuckoo Clock. Perfect for a sleeping infant.

Why so glum, Nativity Bears? You were hoping for a fish?

Peace on Earth.. or whatever planet you come from.

Now kids, don't fight over the chocolate Jesus. I'm making another batch.

Nativity Bean Bag Toss. Yeah, throw stuff at Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Great idea.

Eskimo Nativity. Instead of camels, the Wise Men arrived by dog sled.

Joseph: "YES! Father of the Messiah. WOOT!"

We saved the worst for last... the Celebrity Nativity from Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in London. Featuring Samuel L. Jackson, Hugh Grant and Graham Norton as shepherds; David and Victoria Beckham as Joseph and Mary; Kylie Minogue as an angel; Tony Blair, Prince Philip and George Bush as -- ha! -- Wise Men.

I once saw a version of Davinci's The Last Supper that had movie stars in place of the apostles: Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, W.C. Fields, Charlie Chaplin, etc. Elvis Presley was Jesus. This reminds me of that painting.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

2007 Santa Beatings Roundup

What the hell is wrong with people? Why beat up Santa when there are so many more worthy candidates? From


In what seems to be a growing trend, attacks on Kris Kringle are on the rise, and not just in the Unites States. Radar has rounded up some of this season's most amazing hits on Jolly St. Nick.

Inflatable Santa Massacre '07: Sixteen-year-old Christopher Morrison, of West Islip, New York, and his buddy Kevin Berding, age 20, delivered a beat-down to Joe Farrell's Christmas display in West Islip's Quincy Place neighborhood. Morrison and Berding allegedly deflated an oversize snow globe before they launched a gruesome attack on Farrell's giant inflatable Santa, slashing it in the back of its head with a screwdriver. (Dec. 19, 2007)

American Santas Have it Easy, Part 1: In Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, drug traffickers opened fire on a helicopter ferrying a Santa to a Christmas party. The traffickers may have mistaken the helicopter for a police transport. After taking at least two bullet holes in the fuselage, the helicopter returned to its base and Santa resorted to driving to his destination. (Dec. 17/18, 2007)

American Santas Have it Easy, Part 2: Santas touring Sherburn-in-Elmet, York, UK, have had to dodge hurled eggs and bottles. Local youths (pissed about last year's haul, or just, as the Brits say, pissed?) were said to be responsible for the assaults. The Elmet Lions Club, which sponsored the visits, declared that "If these attacks are not curtailed, Sherburn-in-Elmet will get the Christmas it deserves." (Dec. 13, 2007)

Santa Should Carry a Taser: Dateline: Missoula, Montana—College student Clint Westwood, age 22, started the season off right when he allegedly gave Santa a snootful of pumpkin pie and said, "What do you think of that, Santa?" Westwood, a college drama student, said he videotaped the act and that he planned to use the clip in a film, tentatively titled My Crazy Life. (Nov.30, 2007)

Maybe it was the Heat Miser: Spokane, Washington, firefighter Kevin Smith, age 29, was decked out in Santa gear and riding in a fire truck decorated as a sleigh during Spokane's annual "Santa Run," when a mysterious object-throwing grinch knocked him out cold. Smith's account of the incident for local reporters was succinct: "One second I was up there waving to people, and the next minute I wasn't." Santa Smith ended up with a broken nose and two black eyes for his trouble. (Dec. 15, 2007)

'Nad Santa: A 65-year-old man was playing Santa for the kiddies in the Danbury Fair Mall in Danbury, Connecticut, when Sandrama Lamy, age 33, allegedly groped his bag of goodies. Lamy wasn't hard to find, as the Santa told cops she was on crutches. She was arrested and charged with, among other things, sexual assault. Lamy has told the press that the report was "false," and that she didn't "have any idea" why it was made. (Dec. 19, 2007)

Friday, December 21, 2007

Last Minute Gift Idea

Just got this from my friends at VSL ( Their newsletter is the bomb diggity, and this DVD sounds cool. You can buy it at or anywhere else that sells DVDs.

A superb film from Italy disguised as a TV show
These days, the mini-series doesn’t get much respect. Apart from the Tom Hanks–produced HBO behemoths, the genre’s output consists mainly of the occasional uninspired literary adaptation. But then the Sundance Channel’s The Best of Youth comes along to remind us that the mini-series can be the most dynamic, dramatic, and satisfying entertainment that TV has to offer (airing nightly, 12/25–12/28).

Originally produced for Italian state television, The Best of Youth premiered at the Cannes Film Festival and had a very limited theatrical release in the U.S. in 2005. The series follows four tumultuous decades in the lives of the fictional Caratis family, packing everything into six hours that an addictive mini-series should: family conflict, historical sweep, consuming love, heartbreaking loss, communist plotting, and mental instability. Plus, disarmingly attractive actors who inhabit characters you ache for.

Like a favorite Russian novel, The Best of Youth stays with you. It is about as good as TV gets.

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