Monday, October 22, 2007

Classic Music Video Of The Day

I've posted it before but the great ones never get old. The only thing that would make it better would be if she pulled out a gun and shot them both dead. It would be justifiable homicide.

The Five Unsexiest Women Alive

From They read my mind.

5. Britney Spears

Where You've Seen Her Unsexy: Filling chicken-grease-stained sweatpants on the cover of every trashy tabloid and gossip blog on the Internet
She's Unsexy: Less than five years ago, Britney had a python wrapped around her well-toned torso onstage at the VMAs. Since then, she´s lost the ability to perform, but gained two kids, two useless ex-husbands, and about 23 pounds of Funyun pudge.

4. Madonna

Where You've Seen Her Unsexy: On tour, at the Wailing Wall, in the pharmacy´s menopause aisle
She's Unsexy: After building a personal fortune on Top 40 pornography, Madonna traded pioneering sexuality for, like other old Jewish women, self-righteous bellyaching and rapid post-nuptial deterioration. Combine a Paris Hilton–like pet accessorizing fetish only for dirt-poor foreign babies with a mug that looks Euro-sealed to her skull, and you´ve got Willem Dafoe with hot flashes.

3. Sandra Oh

Where You've Seen Her Unsexy:
Grey´s Anatomy
Why She's Unsexy: Sandra "Oh shit!" The only thing worse than a show about doctors is a show about sappy chick doctors we're forced to watch or else our girlfriends won't have sex with us. We're holding Dr. McSkinny, with her cold bedside manner and boyish figure, personally responsible.

2. Amy Winehouse

You've Seen Her Unsexy: Onstage, offstage, and in the tabloids after cleaving herself and her husband
Why She's Unsexy: When we first heard this chick boast about her reluctance to go to rehab we thought, Now there´s a girl we can party with! But upon beholding her openly hemorrhaging translucent skin, rat´s nest mane and lashes that look more like surgically attached bats, we were the ones screaming, "Nooo, nooo, nooo!"

And lookee here who they picked for number one. My favorite ...

1. Sarah Jessica Parker

You've Seen Her Unsexy: Everywhere
She's Unsexy: How the hell did this Barbaro-faced broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women and still star on a show with "sex" in the title? Pull your skirt down, Secretariat, we´d rather ride Chris Noth.


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