Monday, March 31, 2008

Blog Post Pimpery Of The Day

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You need to go read this great post by FOLOTD Lindsey right now. She's one hilarious chica... but don't cross her.

Prepare For Pain

SNL Clip Of The Day: Woomba

It's good for business.


video

Vid Of The Day: Charlie Bit My Finger

I love it. Not new, but new to me, and perhaps to you, too. A great video from Harmony, whose birthday is tomorrow.



And a spoof of it from two guys who are clearly baked.


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Craigslist Ad Of The Day

best of craigslist > chicago > Reactions to small dick!

Reactions to small dick!


Date: 2008-03-04, 2:52PM CST

I have a very small penis. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I've come to terms with it and now I've even found someone who will date me in spite of it. Nevertheless, the moment when I expose myself has always provided a bit of consternation and some interesting moments.

From a blonde who was chewing gum at the time..."So, I mean, is this it???"

"Yikes, Andrea said you were small but...wow!"

Holding it between her index finger and thumb, "Why don't you just use your hand."

I had just gone home with a girl who provided some 420 fun, "Wow...I hope you know how to eat this cooch!"

From a girl who gave me oral, "Well at least there's no chance I'll gag!"

From a sweet girl with a complete look of shock, "Well, it makes your balls look really big."

"Oh, cute. It's like a little button!"

"Do you think it'll ever get any bigger?"

"Do you mind if I just rub it for a while?" And after I came, "Wow, I never thought something so small would make such a mess!"

From the drunk girls...

"You've got to be kidding me! Can I take a picture of that!?!?"

Giggling..."I've seen small cocks before but goddam"

"Sorry, but this is just f'ing pointless!"

As soon as I lowered my pants, "You poor thing!"

After sex and cuddling, "I should hook you up with my friend Stacy. She was saying that small dicks don't bother her."

Mean drunk girl, "I seriously think this is the size of a paperclip. I mean one of those bigger ones." She actually got a paperclip out of her purse and compared.

On breaking up..

"Good luck ever finding someone who wants that pindick."

"I'm telling every single one of my friends that you have a three inch cock. Keep fucking whining and I won't even exaggerate that much!"

"I lied. It is by FAR the smallest fucking cock I've ever seen."

When I found out she was cheating and demanded the truth, "Oh my God, you sniveling little fuck. Because his cock is long and fat and I can actually feel it slide into me."
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Vid Of The Day: Everyday Normal Guy

A white guy rap vid from James, who says, "Yeah, it's the story of my life."

Lots of F bombs in this, but for comic effect.

Science Fair Experiments Of The Day

Funnies from Willie and Paul. Lots more at this link.


Juicy Beans. Come back next year for the follow-up study, Juicy Farts.


Do Video Games Affect You? No, not at all, Skull Hoodie Guy


Heh. No, who's your daddy?


The Right Wipe. It's the one that doesn't stop up my toilet.


Plants and Pop. Two things you would find in this kid's belly if you cut him open.


A study on college life


Power From The Throne. Now who wants ice cream?


The freaks start so young these days


I'd give him an A just for having the balls to wear a sweater like that to school


Dude, you missed the perfect title: Silent But Deadly


Something Smells Fishy. Could it be the gallon of Aqua Velva you slathered on for the big night?


An in-depth scientific study of... Hornets Basketball


Hot Dog Effects. The student is discovering another one in the bathroom at this very moment.


He only agreed to help her because he thought the project was "The Ideal Pancakes"


Project Of The Dork


Or, how to make perfect nachos when you're stoned and have the munchies


Yeah, you started this at 9 last night, didn't you?


Let's get you in the English Fair next year, fella.


Yes it is: the stench of suck.


Animal Magnetism. Every 14-year-old with a mustache thinks he has it.


A.k.a. The Red Bull Project


I see something that might make a bridge collapse


Crystal Meth: Friend Or Foe. I always admire the kids who tackle the really hard questions

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Vid Of The Day: Payback

Another classic that I like to post every couple of months. Dude messed with the wrong woman. He's lucky she doesn't shoot his sorry ass. I do feel sorry for the kids, but I bet they never backtalk Mama.. ever.

Do not watch this if you are offended by domestic violence (or so I assume; it could be her brother or a friend).


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Bacon Flow Chart

Speaking of bacon, Sarah sent us this nice flow chart after seeing the vid about deep-fried bacon. That video did not make me want bacon, but this does. Sadly, we have no bacon in the house, but we do have Beggin' Strips, and I'm giving those some serious thought.

Click for a larger view.

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Real Names of Famous Musicians

Thanks, Spinderfella, for the idea and THIS LINK, where you can find more names, as this is not an all-inclusive list, of course.

Adam Ant - Stuart Goddard
Erykah Badu - Erica Wright
Pat Benatar - Patricia Andrejewski
Tony Bennett - Anthony Benedetto
Bono - Paul Hewson
David Bowie - David Jones
50 Cent - Curtis Jackson
Patsy Cline - Virginia Hensley
Alice Cooper - Vincent Furnier
Ice Cube - Oshea Jackson
Taylor Dayne - Leslie Wonderman
Mos Def - Dante Smith
Snoop Dogg - Cordazer Calvin Broadus
Thomas Dolby- Thomas Robertson
Sheena Easton - Sheena Orr
The Edge - David Evans
Enya - Eithne Ni Braona
Flavor Flav - William Jonathan Drayton Jr.
Macy Gray - Natalie McIntyre
Boy George - George O'Dowd
MC Hammer - Stanley Burrel
Engelbert Humperdinck - Arnold Dorsey
Head (Korn) - Brian Welch
Billy Idol - William Broad
Rick James - James Johnson, Jr.
Wynonna Judd - Christina Ciminella
Sting - Gordon Sumner
Joan Jett - Joan Marie Larkin

Alicia Keys - Alicia Cook
Chaka Khan - Carole Stevens
LL Cool J - James Smith
Queen Latifah - Dana Owens
Elton John - Reginald Dwight
Huey Lewis - Hugh Cregg
Marilyn Manson - Brian Warner
Meat Loaf - Marvin Aday
Freddie Mercury - Farrokh Bulsara
George Michael - Yorgos Panayiotou
Joni Mitchell - Roberta Anderson
Nelly - Carnell Haynes, Jr.
Ric Ocasek - Richard Otcasek
Johnny Paycheck - Don Lytle
Pepa (Salt-N-Pepa) - Sandra Denton
Pink - Alecia Moore
Iggy Pop - James Osterberg, Jr.
Dee Dee Ramone - Douglas Colvin
Joey Ramone - Jeffery Hyman
Johnny Ramone - John Cummings
Lou Reed - Louis Firbank
Busta Rhymes - Trevor Smith
Henry Rollins - Henry Garfield
Axl Rose - William Rose Jr.
Ja Rule - Jeffery Atkins
Sade - Helen Folasade Adu
Seal - Henry Olusegun Olumide Samuel
Gene Simmons - Chaim Witz
Sisqo - Mark Andrews
Nikki Sixx - Franklin Feranna
Grace Slick - Grace Wing
Fatboy Slim - Quentin Cook
Paul Stanley - Stanley Eisen
Joss Stone - Joscelyn Stocker
Donna Summer - LaDonna Gaines
Timbaland - Timothy Z. Mosley
Tina Turner - Anna Mae Bullock
Shania Twain - Eileen Edwards
Steven Tyler - Steven Tallarico
Eddie Vedder - Edward Severson III
Sid Vicious - John Ritchie
Jack White - John Anthony Gillis
Peter Wolf - Peter Blankfield
Stevie Wonder - Steveland Judkins
Lil Bow Wow - Shad Moss
Rob Zombie - Robert Cummings
Akon - Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam
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Vid Of The Day: Robot Dog

Harmony sends this, and it's kind of cool in a creepy as hell, Star Wars-meets-Terminator way. I just hope it doesn't hump legs.


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10 Worst Screen Couples

From a readers' poll at DListed.com.

10. Leonardo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet
Titanic



9. Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger
Brokeback Mountain



8. Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman
Eyes Wide Shut



7. Kate Beckinsale and Ben Affleck
Pearl Harbor


6. Andie MacDowell and Hugh Gran
Four Weddings And A Funeral



5. Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones
Entrapment



4. Madonna and Adriano Giannini
Swept Away



3. Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom
Pirates Of The Caribbean



2. Ben Affleck and JLo
Gigli


1. Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen
Star Wars (Episode whatever)


I would add...

Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thornton
Monster's Ball


Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis
Top Gun


Julia Roberts and Mel Gibson
Conspiracy Theory

Lindsay Lohan and Herbie
Herbie Fully Loaded


Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze
Point Break


Andie MacDowell and Gerard Depardieu
Green Card


Tom Hanks and Wilson The Volleyball
Castaway


Salma Hayek and Matthew Perry
Fools Rush In

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Vid Of The Day: SHA

The Leningrad Cowboys and The Red Army Choir do Lynyrd Skynyrd. Isn't this the Fifth Sign of the Apocalypse? The end is near, children. Thanks, Blong, for opening our eyes.

Poor bastards are just singing the syllables, and don't know from "Southern Man" or Watergate or Muscle Shoals or The Swampers.

Songs For A Saturday Afternoon

Three of my favorite songs for a cool and rainy weekend afternoon, from artists I discovered back when Amazon used to give away more free mp3 downloads than they do now (since they started selling downloads).

Brighter Than Sunshine - Aqualung

Sooner Or Later - Michael Tolcher (a song that reminds me of being a parent)

Our Love - Rhett Miller

Vid Of The Day: Pot Noodle

Remember the Guinness "Tipping Point" ad I ran a while back? Check out this clever spoof, sent to me by Lee in London. Pot Noodle is a popular convenience food in the UK; I don't think it's sold here in the U.S.

7 Things That Will Get You Kicked Off An Airplane

A rerun from last year and an abridgement of this article on Maxim.com.




1. DRESSING LIKE A TEENAGE GIRL

Southwest Airlines says it has no formal dress code, but any gate-level employee ashamed of his erection can still force you off a plane for indecency. Kyla Ebbert was only showcasing her thighs and breasts in the same spare top and miniskirt you could find at Abercrombie & Fitch when an employee identified as "Keith" demanded she change or deplane. We saw Today Show video of her outfit and don't see the problem. (Especially when she sits down.)


2. BREAST FEEDING

If women can't wear short skirts on a plane without getting hassled, there's little chance overeager flight attendants are going to be understanding when a mom flops out her boob at feeding time. One mother was removed from a plane in November 2006 because the flight crew couldn't handle the fact that the only thing standing between a bare nipple and a plane full of passengers was a finicky 22-month-old.



3. USING YOUR iPHONE… EVEN IN AIRPLANE MODE

If you're flying ATA Airlines — though you probably aren't since we've never heard of it — you'll probably want to leave your iPhone at home, unless you don't mind getting arrested for watching a crappy movie on it mid-flight. It happened to some guy in Hawaii when the stewardess told him that putting his device in airplane mode wasn't enough because the plane wasn't properly shielded. Then she went in the back and shoveled some more coal into the jet's engine.


4. LOOKING LIKE YOU MIGHT IN SOME WAY BE FROM SOMEWHERE THAT COULD BE NEAR THE MIDDLE EAST

Whether you're Egyptian, really tan, or just think burkas are comfy travel wear, be prepared to spend a lot of time getting hassled by airline employees before you get to your seat to enjoy your mini pretzels.


5. BEING FAT

Now not even the most patriotic of qualities, morbid obesity, can score you points with the Drink Cart Gestapo. A lovably ample Texas man was reduced to buttery tears when Southwest, America's most newsworthy airline, pulled him out of line and told him he would have to purchase a second ticket for the other 215-pound half of his body. At least now he can masturbate in privacy.


6. BRINGING A BRATTY KID WITH YOU

Any hack stand-up comedian will tell you that a noisy kid is enough to drive an entire plane full of people completely out of their minds. Apparently flight attendants on Continental ExpressJet flights are sick of bratty noise machines getting off easy and started kicking them out on their diaper-clad asses last year. So if you're a parent, bring a pacifier or a tranquilizer dart unless you don't mind spending your vacation looking for another flight to Orlando.



7. WEARING ANY GARMENT FROM SPENCER'S

If your name is Big Johnson, your T-shirt can now put you in league with the terrorists. Southwest, whose moral compass has now been integrated into all cockpit instrumentation, threw a guy off a flight to Florida for wearing a "Master Baiter" fishing tee. The Coed Naked Legal Team has filed a formal complaint on his behalf.


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