Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Impressive Melons Of The Day

Nope, not Halle Berry, sorry, but some interesting pics from Rebecca in California, who says, "Round or oval watermelons take up a lot of room. Smart Japanese Farmers have forced their watermelons to grow into a square shape by inserting the melons into tempered glass cases while the fruit is still growing on the vine. The result: stackable, handy fruit."

Nope, not a hoax. But there is a catch. "Cubic fruit doesn't come cheap," reports Snopes.com. "A square watermelon in Japan costs 10,000 yen, roughly $82. Ordinary round or oval melons cost $15-25."

Or you can swallow the seeds and grow one in your stomach for free. That's the easy part. Passing it is another story entirely. See how your booty likes that square, chief.


News Story Of The Day: Mead Notebook

Great. I could've used some of these in grad school.

Mead Releases New Grad-School-Ruled Notebook

The Onion

Mead Releases New Grad-School-Ruled Notebook

RICHMOND, VA—Company officials say the new notebooks feature lines 3.55 millimeters apart, making them "infinitely more practical" for postgraduate work than the 7.1 millimeter college-ruled notebooks.


Scary Historical Contraceptives Of The Day

Just a tease for the full article on Cracked.com that you can read here. Many thanks to Steph and Mike V for the link.

History's 10 Most Terrifying Contraceptives

The three most terrifying things in the world are werewolves, clowns and unplanned pregnancy. Humanity has known this since time began and has endeavored to make sure the last one of these would happen as infrequently as possible.

10) Weasel Testicles

In the Dark Ages in Europe, things were dark for a reason, not the least of which was that, with the lights on, a typical man might wonder why his girlfriend had weasel balls strapped to her leg...

9) Crocodile Dung Diaphragms

Ancient Egyptians were a crafty lot, and some of the first people to cook up a method of birth control that actually worked. They figured out that you could stop the pregnancy if you had some kind of, uh, blockage there...

8) Beaver Testicles With Alcohol

In the 16th century, Canadians agreed that the testicles of small furry animals were key to pregnancy prevention. They were far more advanced than those silly, superstitious Europeans, so they got the brilliant idea to use moonshine with beaver testicles in it...

7) Mercury

...there may have been some sterility, brain damage and kidney failure, of course, but stopping the baby was the main thing. This was ancient China, after all.

6) Gold/Silver Diaphragms

While these substances were no doubt awesome to anyone going spelunking in a woman's vagina, they sometimes lead to things like Toxic Shock Syndrome, discharge and infections, and, yes, pregnancy. But, hey, if things play out just right, your penis could come out wearing a shiny little top hat! And wouldn't that make it all worth it?

5) Animal Intestines

One of the oldest known condoms is made from a pig intestine and even has a user manual that suggests soaking it in warm milk before use, probably because just humping with a pig intestine was only half gross, but if you could somehow include sour milk in the mix well, that'd put it right over the top.

4) Opium diaphragms

The people of ancient Sumatra would take a sticky wad of opium and, you know -- wedge it in there. Now, we hesitate to even include this because we have a feeling right now there is some dude at his computer, gel in his hair and three buttons open on his shirt, reading this and suddenly having an awesome idea for Saturday night.

3) Lemons

...and the scent would be just like a freshly cleaned bathroom each and every time! As a bonus, the various shapes and sizes of citrus meant it was great for every woman, though it probably made for some awkward moments with the fruit seller.

2) Blacksmith Water

The idea that the water contained lead is a strong possibility, as even up through the first World War, women were volunteering to work in factories with lead just so it would keep them sterile. The only real downside was a pantload of neurological problems, nausea, kidney failure, seizures, coma and death. Hell, they'd probably have been better off sticking with the mercury.

1) Coca-Cola Douche

The belief was that carbonation and sugar would be effective at stopping pregnancy, and also turning a vagina into a syrupy, caffeinated horror show of fizz and sticky spots. We like to think Dr. Pepper or Mr. Pibb were the carbonated no-baby douches of choice, but study by Harvard in the late '60s gave the honor to Diet Coke.

Movie Commercials Of The Day: Harold & Kumar 2

Videos from my pal and LOTD fan Tom Kane, who does the voice-over on all these. You might know Tom as Professor Utonium on "The Powerpuff Girls," Lord Monkey Fist on "Kim Possible," or Mr. Herriman on "Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends."

Today is also Tom's birthday, the poor tax-day bastard, so wish him a happy happy. I'm sure that he, his wife and their six (count 'em!) kids will be partying it up today.


Movie Of The Day: Shark Attack 3

Wendy in CA sent this abridged version of one of her favorite films, Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. She says, "The pickup line the guy uses at about 1:13... I actually had a guy try that on me in college (sigh). I wonder if he's writing bad shark movies now."

Wendy, I understand why you would sigh. It is a great line. I bet all the girls swoon at that one. Maybe I'll try it on the Mrs. If there's no LOTD tomorrow, you'll know that she took her machete to me.


Your Top Fives, Part 3

More submissions...

The Courteous Chihuahua
Goran Visnjic
Benjamin Bratt

Matt Leinart

Tim Daly

James McAvoy

Shocker: Kevin James

Jensen Ackles (Supernatural -- a show on CW)
Ryan Phillipe
Kerr Smith

Brad Pitt
of course (particularly in Troy)
Shocker: Tom Cruise...come on, in Top Gun? And, even in Mission Impossible...hot, come on, he was. He freaks me out now, but, he was hot in those movies.

And just to be interesting, I'll give you a list of (some of) my fav. chicks:
Alyssa Milano
Scar. Jo.

Cate Blanchett

Jennifer Garner
(those dimples get me!)
Gwyneth Paltrow (I guess...I mean, I love her and all, but I sat here for a while drawing a blank and just kinda plunked her in...whatevs.)

JOHNNY DEPP! (Honestly, I don't care that he's 25 years older than me - the man is gorgeous and funny.)
Viggo Mortensen (He paints, he writes poetry, he rides, he's a family man, and he kicks ass. Plus, I read once that he hit a rabbit with his car, and then pulled off the road, built a little fire, and ate it. 'Cause it seemed like a waste of perfectly good meat. May I just say :D
Sean Bean (Why does he always play the bad guy? He's sexy! And cursed with an unfortunate last name.)
Harrison Ford (circa Indiana Jones/Star Wars)
Mel Gibson (Braveheart!)
Jason Momoa (From Stargate: Atlantis. Seriously. The guy is 6'4" and muscled like a cat. I'm even overlooking my aversion to dreadlocks for him)
Shocker! Michael Cera (From Arrested Development and Juno and Superbad - this is a little outside my realm because I'm usually all about the rugged older man, not the babyfaced kid who's a year younger than me, but he's witty and hilarious and cute in a nerdy way)

Adrien Brody... Man, what I wouldn't do to...I mean, with... him.
Rob Thomas... I'll be your Downfall, Baby.
Adrien Brody... Have I mentioned Adrien Brody?
Christopher Meloni
The new profile photo of Cary. Whoever he is = HOTTIE!!
Shocker: Chris Kratt from Zoboomafoo

Adam Duritz. Number one, without a doubt. The man I would do anything for (and I do mean ANYTHING!). And I dare anyone to say anything about him, as I will shank you like the $2 whore you are.
Jon Stewart
Vincent D'onofrio
Jeremy Piven
Edward Norton (and I am often disturbed by how hot I found him to be in American History X, but only as the reformed Skinhead...)

George Clooney.
Geoff Stults ("October Road")
Jeffrey Dean Morgan ("Weeds," "Grey's Anatomy")
Lee Pace ("Pushing Daisies," "Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day")
Kyle Secor ("Homicide: Life on the Street")
Harry Connick Jr.
Shocker: Conan O’Brien

Johnny Depp - In any way, shape or form, ever since 21 Jumpstreet.
Mel Gibson - Braveheart, yo!
Hugh Laurie - I need a physical, please!
Mike Rowe - I have a dirty job for him....
Last but not least.. George Clooney. Since ER. Damn those come-to-bed-eyes.

David Duchovny
Eddie Izzard
George Clooney
Hal Sparks
Sean Connery
Shocker #1: David Spade
Shocker #2: Kevin Smith (aka Silent Bob)
Shocker #3: Adam Ant

Henry Cavill
Ewan McGregor
Danny Masterson
Cobie Smulders/Kate Winslet
Shocker: Christopher Plummer

Hugh Jackman. I saw Van Helsing, the turd disguised as movie, just because he was in it.
Andy Garcia. To me, he's the only hottie in the Ocean's movies
Goran Visnjic. I can't stand ER but put up with it when he is on.
Gabriel Byrne. I've had it bad for him since high school.
Owen Wilson - my shocker. I'm not much for blonds, but the crooked nose works for me.

Patrick Dempsey
Tom Hanks
Vincent D'Onofrio
Mark Harmon
Shocker: Gregg Wiggle, from the Wiggles.

Angie Hart - singer from Frente!. Gorgeous still...and still a serious crush.
Miranda Otto. (Pre-face cutting only. Ex-serious crush c. 1990s. Why do really attractive white women want/feel the need to make themselves look like Michael Jackson trying look like a white woman? Nicole Kidman is another one.)
Jane Seymour (from the list of Bond women posted a little time ago. Also Talisa Soto from the same list…I feel like a sandwich, with me as the filling!)
Obligatory superhero fetish entry: RenĂ©e O'Connor as Gabrielle the sidekick from Xena. Not Lucy Lawless, despite the suggestive porn star name (although in a pinch…and with her and Gabrielle into the kissy-kissy, another sandwich might be on!). Or any Batgirl, of course.
Ashley Jensen as Maggie in ‘Extras’. Cute, a Scottish accent and she has gotten sex tips from Kate Winslet.
Kate Winslet on the basis of her sex tips in ‘Extras’ (polish the Oscar, rummage in her basement etc).
Obligatory cradle robbing entry: Pia Miranda, c. the movie ‘Looking for Alibrandi’ (no doubt unknown outside Australia). Feisty and cute.
Shockers (equal): Live action blow up sex dolls like Pamela Anderson and live action Barbie Dolls like Parasite Hilton. Although I think Barbie was a bit more accomplished than Paris.


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