Thursday, May 15, 2008

Music Video Of The Day: Pumpkinhead

Wow. Hard to believe these guys are still unsigned.

Try to make it to 2:55.. that's the best part.

Many thanks to TheMovieGuru for the best laugh I've had all week.

Guest List: 101 Uses For A Severed Head

An amusing -- and practical -- list from Snigglefrits, who owns a severed head and has tried at least 47 of these.

1. Plant holder
2. Ashtray
3. Bowling ball
4. Doorstop
5. Sex toy
6. Jack-o-lantern
7. Soccer ball
8. Dining room centerpiece
9. Killer lamp shade!
10. Put it in a bag in your freezer
11. Really freaky head for your snowman
12. Boil it and make soup
13. Paper weight
14. Mount it on the wall. Voila! Art.
15. Cookie jar
16. Salad Bowl
17. Hammer
18. Dog Toy
19. Shove straws under its lips and yell, "Look, it's a walrus!"
20. Infant teether
21. Nanny cam
22. Hemorrhoid cushion
23. Training potty
24. Pinata
25. Speedbag
26. Fondue Pot
27. Halloween candy bowl
28. Mount it on your shoulder and go to the halloween party as Zaphod Bebblebrox.
29. Prop for reciting Macbeth
30. Frame your boss for murder
31. Scarecrow
32. Tiki Torch
33. Headcheese
34. Fishbowl
35. Windchime
36. Imaginary friend for your child
37. Ottoman
38. Mount it on a pike in your yard to keep kids off the lawn
39. Urinal
40. Pen and pencil cup (pens in one socket, pencils in the other)
41. Put in your luggage when flying to scare the shit out of security and get anally searched.
42. Hood ornament
43. Put it in your mailbox to make the post man forget about going postal
44. Birthday gift for Morty
45. Fill with fruitcake, give to relative for Christmas
46. Flowerpot
47. Aquarium centerpiece
48. Drop in the toilet at the office and watch the hysterics
49. Put speakers in it, Mini disc in the mouth, make a stereo.
50. Stuff it with confetti and use it like disco ball
51. Ping-pong ball. You'll need larger paddles, though.
52. Butt-plug
53. See just how many good licks (with an axe) it takes to get to the center
54. Take it to a movie, see if you have to pay
55. Leave it in your seat to hold your spot
56. Stocking stuffer
57. Rear window bobble head
58. Inkwell
59. Show & tell at school
60. 'Total Recall' costume
61. Ventriloquist puppet
62. Punch bowl
63. Christmas tree topper
64. Give it eyes that pop out on springs
65. Spaghetti Strainer
66. Use it for a webcam chat session
67. Air freshener - fill with potpourri
68. Garnish holder (lime wedges, cherries, olives) at a bar
69. Bury in your neighbor's yard when he's about to plant a new garden
70. halloween prop (hmmm no trick or treaters this year, I wonder why
71. Put it on the antenna of your truck so you find it in large parking lots.
72. Make it an admin of a popular inter web forum.
73. Tie a rubberband around it and attach it to a ping pong paddle. Instant paddle ball! YAY!
74. Step stool
75. Week long feeder for the pets while you go on vacation
76. Maggot holder
77. A trump card to win any argument with your mother-in-law...."Bitch, see what happened to the last one that pissed me off?"
78. Prop up your book case (you'll need two heads)
79. Practice kissing
80. Soccer ball
81. Glasses holder. Never lose them again.
82. Glue it to the passenger seat so you can use the carpool lane
83. Mail it to the ex-wife with the child support/ alimony check
84. Good place to put your headphones when you're not using em
85. Bookend (you'll need two)
86. Bong
87. Put it on a spike and run around the campfire fighting over the conch
88. Act like you are blind and put a leash on it, and take it for a walk. Ask anyone who stares if they think there is something wrong with your chihuahua.
89. Webcam stand
90. Pin cushion
91. Knife rack
92. Babysitter (place it in the middle of the room then tell the kiddies that if they even move a muscle the evil head of death will get them)
93. Classified storage container
94. Practice shot put
95. Homemade flail or morning star
96. Leave it in the back yard to always have a ready supply of fishing bait
97. Take it out to lunch. It won't talk, of course, but neither does your husband when you eat out, and the head won't watch the TV over your shoulder.
98. Throw it through your neighbors window with a note on it about keeping his dog in his yard.
99. Create a reality tv show about you and your relationship with the skull.
100. Speed bump
101. Squicking

Video Asshat Of The Day: Bill - UPDATED with techno-mix!

*** UPDATE: I just got this bitchin' techno-mix of the same vid from Michael. Thanks, dude. That's good comedy right there.

And from Seth, Stephen Colbert's parody...

Dildo Reilly goes apeshit. I love it! What a tool.

Video Montages Of The Day: F**king Movies

Not really safe for work.

Velvet Paintings Of The Day

Velvet: It's not just for Elvis anymore.


k.d. lang

Jesus with Gene Simmons dressed as Elvis. Notice which one has the angelic glow.

Speaking of Jesus, here He is watching over a big rig. Or maybe it's just a big rig carrying a giant Jesus statue to Heritage USA. Or maybe it's not Jesus at all, but an Allman brother, showing us the model truck he just finished building.

Not Jesus, but close: Willie Nelson. With Elvis' shades.

Kenny on velvet. A no-brainer.

Celebrate our Native American heritage with a disembodied polar bear head with footless claws in place of a lower jaw, as worn by Garry Shandling.

Here's one for your entryway: Monica with fertilized dress. A real conversation starter.

This was falsely billed as a Neil Diamond collage. I see two Neils, but I don't know who the fuck that is on the bottom left.

Another Kenny, this time in profile and denim. If you think his eye looks too high, you're thinking about old Kenny, not new Kenny.

Phil Spector - why? Honestly, I think someone just wanted to paint his hair.

I was going to apologize that this painting of Lionel Richie is blurred, but that's actually a good thing.

Marilyn MAN-roe... tranny version.

Chimps make horrible dealers.

Another Kenny, or Michael McDonald. Take your pick.

Hank, Jr. Whoever commissioned this probably asked for "Hank with a necklace." Instead, they got Hank, neckless.

One for the kid's room. This ought to help them get to sleep at night.

Whoa. It's the love child of Kenny Rogers and Dom DeLuise.

Twenty years ago, Don Johnson woulda kicked somebody's ass for this

It's-a crap!

Finally, the pièce de résistance: Mr. Charles Nelson Reilly


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