Friday, January 30, 2009

Requested 80s Music Video Of The Day

This one's for Wendy in RI, who's stuck on the couch with a post-op bum leg and wanted some Duran Duran to cheer her up.


And, because it's Wendy, a bonus vid...


"Postcards From Yo Momma" Of The Day

These are great: selections from Postcards From Yo Momma, a site that publishes reader-submitted e-mails from (and IM conversations with) their moms. Some are scolds, some are confessions, some are guilt trips, but all are just so... mom.

Visit the site for many more.

SNL Clip Of The Day: Dateline

Oh man... I love this. We watch Dateline sometimes, and always groan when it's a Keith Morrison story. Clearly a frustrated actor, Keith is right at home in those opening segments where he gets to cock his overgrown eyebrow and deliver his overwrought teaser lines to some unseen listener off camera, which is crap: you know good and goddamn well he's talking to a ful-length mirror and getting off on his own awesomeness.

Anyhoo, this is a great impersonation.

From my buddy, Jimmy T.
, who has loved Keith ever since Keith was a local TV news reporter in L.A.

Classic 80s Music Video Of The Day

Some bad songs are just annoying, but some are so rotten, they make you want to hurt someone. This one falls into the latter category. It aired on VH1 Classic this morning, and when I saw this man's ridiculous hair and smelled the first few bars of his steamy corn-filled loaf, I bit my knuckle in rage, much like Sonny Corleone did when he first saw his sister Connie with two black eyes (and then got mowed down in an ambush). I want to hurt this man.

Celebrity Cameltoe Of The Day

Cooter-cutters of the rich and famous. This can't be good for your Lady Business.

I smell Photoshop on some of these, but at least someone's skills were put to good use.

Sharon Stone

Rebecca Romjin

ABBA chick (lead vocals on "Dancing Queef")

Mischa Barton

Maria Sharapova

Somebody's grandma

Lindsay Lohan

Lil' Kim? No, Labial' Kim.

Kim Kardashian

Kelly Ripa, about to rip-a her pants. If that pole up her ass hasn't already.

Jessica Simpson ("This cooch wasn't made for walkin'...")

Jessica Biel

Heidi Clam Klum

Et tu, Fabio? I liked him better with a goose sticking out of his head.

Eva Longoria

Christina Milian

Anna Kournikova

Alicia Keys. I see two of her keys right now, both of 'em L Major.


Karl Lagerfeld

Jabba The Hutt. Sorry. But hey, it's Photoshopped for sure. There's no way it has a vagina.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

FOLOTD Birthday Of The Day

Ladies and germs, we have another birthday today. Please give it up for our birthday girl, Siress Yorkie, and her huge jugs...

... of beer.

Happy birthday, Siress.

The 10 Ugliest Cars Ever Made

From a survey in Business Week magazine, with quotes from people surveyed.


"When the car went into any type of water puddle it would suck water into the engine. They fell apart after 40,000 miles. Piece of junk."

"Absolute garbage BEFORE it was built."

"It was junk like this that opened the door for Toyota and Honda. Sad but true."

"I'm sure there are worse, but in my days with Chevrolet I saw many problems and many unhappy customers with these throwaway cars."

"It was so underpowered, you had to shift down with the AC on to climb the slightest hill. Everything was too small inside, and the dash looked like a 12-year-old designed it. Owned it a year and laughed when I sold it!"


"Has got to be the ugliest car ever to roll out of Detroit."

"Talk about the wrong car at the wrong time!"

"The '58 was schizophrenic! The front motif is vertical (especially that hideous grille), while the rear motif is horizontal."

"One of the worst designs and poorly manufactured cars of all time."

"Gas-guzzling, three-ton behemoth with a toilet seat grill and inexplicably tacky push-button transmission shifting. The standard by which all other automotive brand failures have been judged (and ridiculed) for 50 years."

"Poor styling, poor workmanship, and it was made to compete against its own sister brand, Mercury, not differentiating whether it was a step above or below the brand."


"Looks like a spaceship."

"Uglier than the Gremlin...and it doesn't matter what year."

"The Matador coupe had those bug-ugly front lights and the strange rear-end design treatment. It's hard to imagine a car that large having so little interior space. A total waste of steel (and glass, and plastic, and rubber...)."


"Underpowered and unsafe. I had a chance to ride in one and it was more horrifying than all the rides at Disneyland."

"They were all death traps. If you got rear-ended, they burst into flames. If you got into a sideways slide, the tires blew off the rims and they rolled over."

"Ugly, underpowered, not safe, not safe, not safe. A very bad imitation of the VW Bug. I hardly ever see one, not even at old car shows, probably due to a corrosion problem."


"The most hideously ill-proportioned car of all time."

"This car was the epitome of ugly. The first subcompact was introduced Apr. 1, 1970 (April Fools' Day). Need we say more?"

"So much window that even in the winter you could fry eggs inside! Speaking of which, it sort of looked like an upside-down egg!"

"The car voted best as a hot tub!"

"Whatever happened to the back half of this car? It seems as if 40% of the vehicle's body was perhaps unintentionally cropped off on the drafting table. The introduction of the Gremlin rang the final death knell for the already mortally wounded AMC."


"Cheaply built, rough running, harsh ride, rust prone. It was without a doubt the worst vehicle I ever owned."

"So bad it turned off subsequent generations to GM and created the beginning of the downfall of the world's greatest automaker."

"A car that began to rust on the showroom floor brought a whole new meaning to the term 'Planned Obsolescence.'"

"An alleged four-seater that required a pry bar and 'the jaws of life' (both optional) for passenger extrication from the zero-legroom back seat. Sieve-like leaking aluminum-block four-cylinder engine (guaranteed to crack at no more than 30,000 miles), generating perhaps 70 hp (downhill only, with a good tailwind), while still managing to get less than 20 mpg on the highway! A truly masterful feat of reverse engineering by the guys from Flint."


"There must have been a front-end design team and a rear-end design team. And the two teams NEVER spoke to each other!"

"The only car that can make a Pacer wagon look good."

"It looks like a mini-trash truck."


"If the vehicle was rear-ended, it made the accident worse than it should've been because the gas tank exploded."

"Junk from the day they built it! Do you see any around anywhere? Not even close to a collectible car."

"My neighbor had a vanity plate that read 'IXPLODE' on his Ford Pinto. I was a kid and understood the significance and humor."

"Underpowered, cheap plastic, bodies prone to rust...oh, yeah, they blow up, too."


"You couldn't get scrap-metal money even if it was running."

"The Yugo was a car that fell apart while you drove."

"I used to work for a dealer and the last one on the lot was an '88 model that never got sold. It was there until 1991, when it was given away as a promotional gift on a radio show."


"0 to 60 in four-and-a-half hours."

"Looked like a fishbowl and those windows leaked. Add a leaky sunroof to it and the car rusted from the inside out!"

"A pregnant roller skate."

"Not only UGLY but two different-sized front doors!"

"Human terrarium."

"It had seats designed like blue jeans, including the brass buttons, which burned the crap out of you on a hot day."



My first car, identical to this one except for the mag wheels and "340." Mine was a '71 or '72; I bought it for $400 in 1980. I changed a lot of hoses and belts in that thing; you could actually get to them.


My second car. I called it the Ford Fiasco. My sis and I shared it in high school. There's a Chinese proverb that says if two men own a horse, it will starve to death. This car died because the oil never got changed. Oops.


My third car, nearly identical to this one. A total POS, broke down constantly - appropriate that it's shown here by a dumpster. I hated this car. So did my sister. We shared it in college and fought over who got stuck with it. It finally died in '93 at a grocery store parking lot, and I left it there. This might be it, actually. Maybe it's still there, sitting by the dumpster, waiting to be hauled to the landfill where it belongs.

Funny Graffiti Of The Day

Funnies from Paul D. and Hairwrecker Lindsey.


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