Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Classic SNL Clip Of The Day: Auditions

A funny and forgotten clip: casting auditions for Star Wars. Sort of.


Neato Dating Tips Of The Day

From 1956 -- and yet, still relevant today. Ladies still wear gloves, right?

From Karen C. and Kris Abel's Tech Life.

Or, if you're Matter Of Fact Mommy, you can say, "Are you going to walk away now? Because that would be great."

See more at Kris Abel's blog.

Classic Comedy Movie Clips Of The Day (NSFW)

Two of the better moments from a movie you probably didn't see: Road Trip. The second clip is NSFW.

Vid Of The Day: Cat Vs. Fish

Smooth move, Ex-Lax.

That Guy/Gal: Hollywood's Underrated Actors Of The Day

From EW.com.

Hollywood's underrated players talk about being recognized on the street (at least some of the time), which other actors they admire, and the roles that got away.

Bob Balaban

BEST KNOWN FOR: Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Seinfeld, the Christopher Guest mockumentaries

THE ROLE THAT GOT AWAY: American Graffiti. ''I remember saying to my agent, 'Oh, I just played a bunch of teenagers, and I'm already 25 years old. I shouldn't really try to be a teenager anymore.'''

FIRST MOVIE ROLE: Midnight Cowboy, the lone X-rated Best Picture Oscar winner. ''I was the gay kid who picks up Jon Voight on 42nd Street and gets sick in the bathroom afterward. So I was the X rating!''

Bobby Cannavale

BEST KNOWN FOR: Third Watch, Will & Grace, The Station Agent

AN ACTOR HE ADMIRES: ''John Turturro. He's very close to my heart because I saw him on stage when I was a teenager. I was blown away by his forwardness. There's nothing that's not engaging you all the time.''

THE ROLE THAT GOT AWAY: ''Family Guy may be my all-time favorite show. And I met Seth MacFarlane, and he said, 'You gotta come on and do a voice!' And then he never called me.''

Lynn Cohen

BEST KNOWN FOR: Sex and the City, Law & Order, Munich

MOST RECOGNIZED FOR: Her role as Miranda's no-nonsense cleaning lady, Magda, on SATC. ''People come up and hug me. It's a wonderful thing! I met an 85-year-old woman on the street the other day who said, 'Oh, I'm obsessed with Sex and the City. I watch it every single day.' She relates to Magda — she has the answer to all the problems in the world if you just listen to her.''

Kim Dickens

BEST KNOWN FOR: Hollow Man, Deadwood, Lost

HER FAVORITE ROLE: Sherry in Things Behind the Sun. ''She was struggling with addictions, she was a rape survivor, she was a rock star. And we shot it in, like, three weeks on a very indie budget in Cocoa Beach, Florida. It was an all-around great experience. My close second would have to be Joanie Stubbs on Deadwood, because that was like walking around in a novel. Fans feel sort of affectionate toward those Deadwood characters.''

Anne Dudek

BEST KNOWN FOR: House, Big Love, Mad Men

MOST RECOGNIZED FOR: ''If I'm in Starbucks, it's White Chicks.'' Outside the coffee mecca? ''House. People feel awkward because my character's known as 'Cutthroat Bitch.' They don't want to say that to me.''

WHAT SHE LOVES ABOUT HER CAREER: ''When I came home from this shoot, my husband said, 'Annie, I'm so proud that people care about what you're doing.' It's such a rewarding feeling to think, 'Oh, wow, someone likes what I've done!'''

Beth Grant

BEST KNOWN FOR: Donnie Darko, Little Miss Sunshine, No Country for Old Men, The Office

BEST ADVICE EVER: ''I started out wanting to be a movie star, like Joan Crawford and Marilyn Monroe. I kept trying to do all these glamorous roles. But I had this great acting teacher who said, 'Why do you keep trying to be a Rolex watch? You're the salt of the earth!' Once I embraced myself as a character actress, I never looked back.''

Tina Majorino

BEST KNOWN FOR: Waterworld, Napoleon Dynamite, Veronica Mars, Big Love

MOST RECOGNIZED FOR: ''Surprisingly, [the 1994 girl-meets-seal kiddie film] Andre. Even though I'm 23. Most of the time, people look at me kind of funny and then say, 'You know, you really resemble that little girl who was in Andre. Has anyone ever told you that before?' And I'll be like, 'Yeah.' Unless they straight-out ask, I don't say, 'Well, I am that person.' That's a little awkward.''

Romany Malco

BEST KNOWN FOR: Weeds, The 40 Year-Old Virgin

MOST RECOGNIZED FOR: Virgin — but the recognition came in waves, starting with some ''thuggish dudes'' who complimented him three weeks before its release. ''I realized what it was: The gangsters saw the bootleg before it came out.''

HIS PREVIOUS LIFE: Malco worked as a rapper and music producer before John Leguizamo encouraged him to try acting.

Jayma Mays

BEST KNOWN FOR: Heroes, Ugly Betty

HER FAVORITE ROLE: Cynthia, the stressed-out hotel clerk in her first movie, Red Eye. ''Everything was new and fresh and I was nervous. And [Cynthia] was nervous. So it worked.''

THE NAME GAME: Mays played a character named Charlie on both Heroes and Ugly Betty. ''It's just so weird. I told my manager, 'Look, if there's a role that opens up called Charlie, just send it to me. I'm gold. I don't care if it's a man.'''

Larry Miller

BEST KNOWN FOR: Pretty Woman, The Nutty Professor, Best in Show

AN ACTOR HE ADMIRES: ''Gene Hackman. He brings a little heroism and innocence to the worst people, and a tired darkness to the best.''

ON PLAYING THE JERK: ''[People say], 'Gee, you so often play —,' and I say, 'Annoying, horrifying people? Someone who, if you ran into the guy, would be just awful?' To me, that's hysterical. It's been years [since] it dawned on me that I was playing a lot of parts like that.''

Sarah Paulson

BEST KNOWN FOR: Jack & Jill, Deadwood, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

THE ROLE THAT GOT AWAY: ''I really wanted [Claire Danes' part in] Shopgirl. It spoke to me a lot more than playing so-and-so's wife in a disaster movie. [Pause] Although... don't get me wrong, I wouldn't sneeze at that, either!''

WHAT SHE LOVES ABOUT HER CAREER: ''That I've got all my fingers in all of the different pots — theater, movies, and television. I feel very lucky that I can do all three.''

James Rebhorn

BEST KNOWN FOR: Scent of a Woman, Independence Day, Meet the Parents

PLAYING THE PART: ''Generally, the character in Scent of a Woman is the character I play — a buttoned-down, stern taskmaster.'' So is he like that off screen? ''You'd have to ask my wife and kids!''

UP NEXT: A play called Saturn Returns. ''For a creative industry, [Hollywood] is not that creative. They tend to hire me based upon what I last did. I enjoy theater because it's not quite that rigid in its interpretation of your skill.''

Lance Reddick

BEST KNOWN FOR: Oz, The Wire, Lost

AN ACTOR HE ADMIRES: ''Maybe three weeks ago, I'm walking by this cafĂ© [in New York] and I hear, 'Good actor!' I turn around thinking it's some fan — and it's Philip Seymour Hoffman. I freaked out. I was thinking, 'I can't walk up to him, but I have to walk up to him!' So I walked up and said, 'I'm so honored.' And that was it. I left and got on the subway. I've never made such a fool of myself in my life.''

Krysten Ritter

BEST KNOWN FOR: Gilmore Girls, Veronica Mars

AN ACTOR SHE ADMIRES: ''Isla Fisher's career is pretty remarkable. She's been doing it since she was 13 years old, and she's really come into her own comedically. I'd love to be where she is in five years.''

BIZARRE SIDE EFFECT OF FAME: ''A die-hard fan of Veronica Mars made a lunch box covered with pictures of [my character] Gia Goodman. So I have a lunch box with me on it, which is pretty hysterical.''

Matt Servitto

BEST KNOWN FOR: The Sopranos, Brotherhood, Sex and the City

THE ROLE THAT GOT AWAY: ''Last week I auditioned for 30 Rock, and I so wanted it. It's my favorite show in the world. One of my best friends got the job instead.''

HIS LUCKY BREAK: Servitto played Agent Harris, Tony's FBI contact, for The Sopranos' entire run. ''I auditioned for the pilot as Father Phil, the priest that Carmela has a little flirtation with in season 1. Thank God I didn't get it!''

Celia Weston

BEST KNOWN FOR: Alice, Dead Man Walking, Junebug

AN ACTOR SHE ADMIRES: ''Max von Sydow. We were on Snow Falling on Cedars for months. He was so committed. I guess I have a little crush, all due respect to his lovely wife.''

THE ROLE THAT GOT AWAY: Dolly Pelliker in Silkwood. ''For weeks I thought I had a very strong shot. And, of course, it went to Cher. We found out when it was announced on Entertainment Tonight.''

(More at EW.com)

Onion Story Of The Day: Doctor Wins Nobel For Work On Hoo-Ha

From The Onion.

Renowned Hoo-Ha Doctor Wins Nobel Prize For Medical Advancements Down There

STOCKHOLM—In recognition of her groundbreaking work treating life-threatening diseases of the privates, renowned hoo-ha specialist Dr. Victoria Lazoff was awarded the Nobel Prize in Lady Medicine this week.

The world's foremost authority on ailments down south, Lazoff led a team of cutting-edge hoo-ha doctors to develop new strategies for detecting abnormal growth in...you know, that area.

The accomplished physician humbly accepted medicine's highest honor before a crowd of her peers, and spoke about the importance of regular screenings to prevent unnecessary complications up inside one's business.

"Recent advancements have brought us closer than ever to eliminating this threat, but early detection is still our best defense," said Dr. Lazoff, who earned a doctorate in lady parts from Johns Hopkins University.

"I thank you all for this great honor, which I hope will finally bring the world's attention to the serious matter of [hoo-ha] disease."

Attendees said Lazoff then presented a number of slides pertaining to the, uh, nether-type zone.

Story continues at The Onion.

Monday, March 30, 2009

More Fake Namery Of The Day

If you liked Mike Litoris, you'll love this "mother lode," as Toledo calls it. He's right.

(The vid will jump to 0:45 to start, which is intentional)

I gotta rerun one of my all-time favorite SNL bits while I'm at it.

8 Awesome Cases Of Internet Vigilantism

From Cracked.com and Jason D.

"Yet another unintended side effect of the web has been the birth of the Internet lynch mob. Now, everything from child abuse to bad customer service can get the online masses whipped into a frenzy of Old Testament-style vengeance. Whether this is good, bad, or downright terrifying, we'll let you be the judge."

Read it HERE.

Crappy Name That Might Be Real Of The Day

Wow, Mike Litoris might be real after all. And, despite what some men claim, surprisingly easy to find. Visual Alex did a little sleuthing and put her finger on it -- uh, him:

Classic 70s TV Show Promo Of The Day

Not sure how many will remember this obscure series, as it only ran one season (1974-75).

I vaguely remember the show, but don't recall watching it much (it probably came on after my bedtime, which was like 5:30). I do have a very specific memory of my parents laughing when Christy said, "You're under arrest, sugah!" -- which she did in every episode, apparently.

Christy was played by Teresa Graves, who died tragically in an apartment fire in 2002. She was 53.

14 Movie Characters Who Deserve A Beating

Eight from Maxim.com, six from me.

Kevin Bacon, Footloose

Okay, Ren, kudos for cranking Quiet Riot in that lady-killer VW, but bringing dancing to a small town is just corny… And so is dissin´ John Lithgow

Vanilla Ice, Cool As Ice

This laughable Hammer-lite was one thing, but for two hours as a leading man? We´d prefer Urkel: The Movie.

Hayden Christensen, Star Wars: Episode II—Attack of the Clones

Wasn't there anybody who could've beefed pouty-faced Christensen up by shouting, "Dude, you're playing Darth Fucking Vader for Christ's sake, enough with the bratty douche baggery!"

Patrick Swayze, Dirty Dancing

"Nobody puts baby in a corner?" Get serious. Jerry Orbach could still kick Swayze's ass, and he's been dead for years. (Except now Swayze is dying, so I guess this isn't as funny as it might have been a year ago.)

Jim Carrey, Batman Forever

Frank Gorshin, TV's Riddler, reportedly died of natural causes; we say check his VCR for this movie and his medicine cabinet for an empty vial of sleeping pills.

John Travolta, Grease

Let us get this straight: You´re embarrassed to be seen with an Aussie hottie but not Putzie?

Billy Crystal, Father's Day

Another groan-inducing, over-the-top, ham-on-rye performance from the King of Schmaltz that led to refund demands across the country.

Robin Williams, Father's Day

See previous.

Robin Williams, Patch Adams

Anybody who dresses up as a clown needs his ass kicked.

Melman (David Schwimmer), Madagascar

When they run out of food on that island, he needs to be the first one eaten.

Leonardo DiCaprio, Titanic

He works the "poor street urchin" angle to bone another dude's woman. I'd want to shoot him, too. Psst, Leo: your drawrings suck, dude.

Stephen Root, Office Space

What is it with you and that goddamned stapler?

Steve Buscemi, Fargo

Gaear Grimsrud beat me to it, and did a better job.

Ben Stiller in anything

Grow a pair, you whiny little bitch.

Vid Of The Day: Will Ferrell Answers Fan Questions (NSFW)

From Funny Or Die.

Forceful Ad Of The Day: Sham-F**king-Wow

"... more sucking power than a hooker using a vacuum." And he oughta know.

From Manda... a name that reminds me of Mandalay Bay in Vegas. And speaking of hookers, Mandalay is great place to pick up one, if you are so inclined. The bar is crawling with them. Seriously. You'll get hit on by two or three hos (ho's?) before you ever get a drink. Why there? Because they're all looking for a... ready?... man-to-lay.

Thank you. And be sure to check out our new potato bar with all the fixin's.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Weekend Links Of The Day

More great time-wasters from you.

Just in time for April Fool's, the top 100 hoaxes of all time - From Spinderfella and MJ (via Museum Of Hoaxes)

Weird piercings - from Julie (via Asylum.com)

When signature fun backfires - from Karl (via DrunkRepublic.com)

New math - from Sheila (via MoreNewMath.com)

The 20 scariest movies of all-time - From Voronya (via EW.com)

A walk-through of the famous NYC rock club, CBGB - from Frank (via CBGB Online)

Ridiculous patents - from Sheila (via TotallyAbsurd.com)

Vid Of The Day: TWIUC

I love these.

Thanks, Jody Z., for the link.

Friday, March 27, 2009

News Story Of The Day: ShamWTF?!

Rut roh. ShamWanker done got hisself busted with a ho. Click his fugly mug shot to read the story at The Smoking Gun. (The incident happened last month, but is just now coming out, so I don't think the gun is smoking anymore. But whatever.)

News Story Of The Day: 98% of Babies Manic-Depressive

From The Onion, but they're wrong. It's more like 99.9%.

98% Of Babies Manic-Depressive

March 23, 2009

NEW YORK—A new study published in The Journal Of Pediatric Medicine found that a shocking 98 percent of all infants suffer from bipolar disorder.

"The majority of our subjects, regardless of size, sex, or race, exhibited extreme mood swings, often crying one minute and then giggling playfully the next," the study's author Dr. Steven Gregory told reporters.

"Additionally we found that most babies had trouble concentrating during the day, often struggled to sleep at night, and could not be counted on to take care of themselves—all classic symptoms of manic depression."

Gregory added that nearly 100 percent of infants appear to suffer from the poor motor skills and impaired speech associated with Parkinson's disease.

Found Porn Of The Day - Updated

Time for another update of my favorite post. As long as people keep sending me new ones, I'll keep updating every few months.

My thanks to Keeorp, Meg, Pete, Justwinginit, Mark W., Hairwrecker Lindsey, Gary, Bubbasmom, Bill, Cass, Art & Shiela, Amy, TheMovieGuru and Maxim.com.

"Mom & Dad's cookout was a total pig fuck."

Here's a late addition from Bean Counter Lori. Click the pic to read the news story.


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