Monday, November 30, 2009

Vid Of The Day: Twilight Cycles (NSFW)

Don't worry, this will be the last Twilight-themed post. I couldn't pass this one up.

Billboard Fail Of The Day

First poor Dana gets set on fire, and now this. Clearly, God hates local news. And who can blame him?

Thanks for the pic, Mr. Minimac.

9 Reasons To Keep Your Kids Away From The Zoo (NSFW)

Funnies from The Courteous Chihuahua, who might have to change her name after this post.

Reason 9

Reason 8

Reason 7

Reason 6

Reason 5

Reason 4

Reason 3

Reason 2

Reason 1

Classic 80s Music Video Of The Day

This one's for Daisy and her naughty comments in the "How Pumpkin Pie Is Made" post.

And you thought "Man In Motion (St. Elmo's Fire)" was the only hit for John Parr and his tight fromullet. The gal in the blue skydiving suit -- is that lost 80s actress Jennifer Rubin?

E-Mail Exchange Of The Day: Little League

Another beauty from E-Mails From An Asshole and my Cajun buddy, Willie. I posted one of these before, and you can find a lot more on the guy's website. Funny stuff.

News Vid Of The Day: Night Off

Dana has the night off. Forever.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Steal Of The Day: Leather Jacket

Just spotted this gem in my CVS Pharmacy circular. Holy crap! $20 for a gen-u-wine leather jacket? SCORE! It's usually $40, so that tells you it's a quality leather jacket. And so stylish, too. I'm treating myself to an early Christmas gift -- hell, at this price, I might even get two. Coach is screwed, man.

No posts tomorrow. Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone.

17 Things I'm Thankful For (Of The Day)

Nah, I'm not getting soft on you. It's that time of year, and I also think I'm about to start my period. Can somebody spot me a tampon?

Family, friends, good health.. those things go without saying, so I won't say them. I'm trying to think a little outside the cube here.

In no particular order...

1. All of you who read this blog
2. Boobs
3. Laughter
4. Hot showers
5. Nachos
6. Good memories
7. My Macbook computer that never has any problems
8. My new writing gig at Guyspeak (check it out, ask a question, leave a comment)
9. Someone to shag
10. Facebook
11. Being loved
12. 80s music (even when it sucks, which is often)
13. People who make me laugh
14. A healthy awareness of my own limitations
15. Cheese
16. Jeans and t-shirts
17. Growing up in the 70s when things were simpler

How about you? What are you thankful for today?

Vid Of The Day: Black Hiker

From Funny Or Die.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Music Video Of The Day: Muppets' Bohemian Rhapsody

You need to watch this. And be patient, because it takes a minute to really get going.

From Seth.

Classic 70s Music Video Of The Day: Smoke

Who remembers this obscure little ditty? And this even more obscure little band? Did they have anymore hits after this? I never heard of them again. Still, I celebrate their choice of soprano sax, and I know that Ken Gorelick is proud of them for trying.

Thanksgiving Meal Of The Day

This time of year makes me think of going to my grandma's house in Macon on Thanksgiving. The entire family -- aunts, uncles, cousins, about 30 of us in all -- would pile into my grandparents' tiny little 2BR house and eat ourselves into a stupor and make short work of the food my grandma had spent several days making. And then she wouldn't even sit down while the rest of us were stuffing our faces, instead making sure everyone had some of everything and a full glass of iced tea. My grandad would always say, "Carlese, sit down and eat. We're fine." And she would -- for about 30 seconds, and then she was up again, off to check on the kids in the kitchen at the kids' table, or to bring in another pitcher of iced tea that was so sweet, it was like drinking candy.

Anyhoo, she made the exact same meal every Thanksgiving, even down to the desserts. Get a load of this feast:

pork roast (for my grandad, who didn't like turkey)
ham (my aunt brought this)
mac & cheese (homemade, of course)
potatoes (mashed, boiled, or both sometimes)
rice & gravy
blackeyed peas
lima beans
green beans
cucumber salad
greens (collards, usually, but sometimes turnips)
celery stuffed with homemade pimento cheese
congealed salad (lemon with walnuts - YUM)
cranberry sauce (from a can)
biscuits (small and crispy on the outside, fluffy inside)
fried corn bread (flat and crispy)

All the desserts were on a cart next to the table, and you could eat them anytime you liked. I often had a slice of pecan pie right along with my meal. The desserts:

key lime pie
pecan pie
pumpkin pie
coconut cake (I think one of my aunts made it)
lemon cake (my mom made it)
chocolate-covered cherries (store-bought, not homemade)

Don't ask me how she cooked all that stuff by herself, but she did, most of it. She was a remarkable woman, about 5'2" in heels and with mostly black hair until the day she died at age 89 back in 2001. She was nuttier than squirrel shit, but I loved her and still think of her almost every day. She went to kiss me one time and I said, "Oh grandma, you don't want to kiss me, my breath is awful" (I'd driven down from Athens and had beer/hangover breath from a dorm party the night before.) She smiled and said, "I'd kiss you even if you had cat dookie on your lips." And she did.

Tell us about the Thanksgiving feast you grew up eating. I'd love to see how it varies among different parts of the country.

Commercial Of The Day: Slim Suit

Love the hair at :14. That's a style that needs to come back.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Animals Squashed Against Glass (Of The Day)

A great photo list from Jocelyn in Canada and BestWeekEver (more photos at link). The giraffe tongue is creeping me out, though.

Is that Sharon Stone?

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: To The Stud Driving The Red Suburban

Ouch. Dude got told.

best of craigslist > indianapolis >

To stud driving red Suburban thru Noblesville/Westfield/Carmel today - w4m

Date: 2009-09-28, 9:15PM EDT

Dear Mr. Red Chevy Suburban with white Indiana license plate [deleted]:

I saw you this afternoon in traffic in Hamilton County. At 3:43 p.m., to be exact. And I felt compelled to write to you.

Considering the bags under your puffy eyes, the ample spare tire of fat under your already plump man breasts, the vacant, slightly piggy expression on your bloated white middle-aged face, the smudged out-of-fashion eyeglasses sitting atop your flushed, acne-ridden, pasty, unshaven, scabrous skin, the flabby pale hairy arms, the sausage-like stubby fingers with dirt-encrusted fingernails..... yes, I knew you were clearly a man who was well aware of just what a catch he was to any worthy women of the world who were lucky enough to attract your precious attention.

The white fuzzy dice hanging from your greasy, fingerprint-covered rearview mirror, the thick layer of dust, mud, pollution, and general neglect desperately trying to hide the flaking ancient red paint still clinging to the rusted hull of your late-80's/early 90's vintage vehicle, all confirmed that you were a class act indeed.

As my heart rate increased upon viewing such a grand specimen of proud Hoosier manhood, I was not surprised, therefore, to see that the loud, possibly muffler-less red Suburban being driven by a man of your cultivation, sophistication, education, and impeccable taste was also sporting a NO FAT CHICKS bumper sticker, without the slightest hint of irony.

Since you undeniably have your pick of all the desirable women alive, you clearly MEANT it.

As you pulled up at the light at US 31 and US 32 in Carmel/Westfield today (Monday Sept 28th), I desperately wished that I had my camera with me.

You see, after having weighed everywhere from 117 lbs. to 160 and back to 125 lbs. as an adult female, I am now keen to create my own bumper sticker for my shiny, well-maintained, shiny, recent vintage (not the first Bush administration) car.


Obesity can be a temporary state; even ignorance can be a temporary state. However, being a mean-spirited, unattractive, soulless moron is apparently permanent.

  • Location: US31 & US32 going west
PostingID: 1397313762

Vid Of The Day: Douchebag Solidarity (NSFW)

They are douchebags. Word.

PSA Of The Day: Shiny Suds

Pervy bubbles make me laugh.

7 Inappropriate Products For Kids (Of The Day)

From The Huffington Post. Link from FOLOTD and new mom, Regan.


The keywords on the box read "Interesting," "Flash," and "Up and Down," which sound like they were written by the happiest pedophile in playland.


That baby doesn't need shaving, it needs to be returned to the elfdom from whence it came.


"Something for the evening" for your infant stripper-to-be aged 0-12 months. "Show Grandma how you twirl 'em!"


Spanish toymaker Berjuan released a doll that allows children to "breast-feed" their babies. A girl wears a special halter top with flowers instead of nipples that cause the baby to make sucking sounds and move its mouth. The tagline for the toy reads, "Because you shouldn't have to wait until you have breasts before you start breastfeeding your baby." Actually, yeah, you should.


I don't think these are Webkinz.


Finally! Baby stilettos have hit the market to give those unsightly flab-filled baby calves some lift. They will be useful for the girls who loved the pole-dancing doll and moved on to this.


The GR8 TaT2 Maker by Spin Master Toys promises an "easy-to-use tattoo maker kit...[that] creates realistic, washable designs with dramatic effects." If only there was a plushy for Hepatitis.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Personal Ads Of The Day

So many prospects, so little time. Some of these are jokes -- at least you hope so.


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