Friday, September 25, 2009

TV's 25 Biggest Flops Ever (Of The Day)

From I liked "Karen Sisco," but then, I'll watch Carla Gugino in anything. I watched "Six Degrees" a couple of times and was unimpressed. I avoid all shows with Tim Daly, Steven Weber or any other "Wings" leftover, so no "Fugitive" for me. As for "Stripperella," I'll never understand all the hubbub over Pam Anderson -- she's disgusting. Seriously. Ever seen pictures of her when she was young and unplasticized? A real fox. Now? Bleh.

Every new TV season brings a massively hyped, over-promoted show that tanks quickly and spectacularly. Here are the most notorious.

2000-2001, CBS, 22 episodes

Heralded by CBS as its can't-miss fall show for the 2000-2001 season, this remake of the 1960s David Janssen hit series (and the Harrison Ford movie) starred Tim Daly as Dr. Richard Kimble and limped along to poor ratings for 22 stubborn episodes before cancellation. Meanwhile, the new show that followed it that season, a quirky little something called CSI, rocketed to hit status.—Ken Tucker

2002-2003, NBC, 16 episodes

It certainly sounded fresh and unique: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, in her first comedy since Seinfeld, would headline a show inked by her husband Brad Hall (The Single Guy) that would play in real time: each 22-minute episode was meant to represent 22 minutes in a cabaret singer's life. There was even a clock ticking in the corner of the screen! Yet the silly conceit (no surprise) didn't gel with viewers. —Lynette Rice

2003, NBC, 2 episodes

''Coupling will be just like Friends!'' NBC promised us way back in 2003. After all, the comedy, about six incestuous friends, was the Americanized version of a hit British version of Friends. Unfortunately, the material worked better with more refined accents — the show scored terrible reviews and even worse ratings. —Kate Ward

2007, NBC, 8 episodes

In 2006, NBC scored a mainstream sci-fi hit with the superhero saga Heroes. Thinking that America had gone ga-ga for the geek stuff, NBC worked some remake magic on The Bionic Woman. The new take starred Michelle Ryan as a struggling bartender raising her little sister who gets rebuilt into a cyborg super-soldier after a car accident. Ratings were big at first, then quickly plummeted.—Jeff Jensen

2006, ABC, 6 episodes

It looked good on paper: a man (Taye Diggs) trapped in a Groundhog Day time loop must save his girlfriend's life and figure out who framed him for murder. But the result was a repetitive, boring casualty in ABC's quest for another Lost… Good luck, ''FlashForward''! —Darren Franich

2007, ABC, 6 episodes

The Cro-Magnon crackups from the GEICO commercials made the 30-second-to-30-minute leap with this bold buddy sitcom, in which they tried to dismantle cavemen stereotypes and fight prejudice while living among us. The experiment was unsuccessful: Critics stoned them and audiences ignored them. —Dan Snierson

2003, CBS, 7 episodes

Movie audiences loved My Big Fat Greek Wedding. So, naturally, they'd love a small screen version of the sleeper hit. Right? Not. The sitcom lasted just two months. Even a jug of Windex couldn't clean up this Greek mess. —Kate Ward

2003-2004, ABC and USA, 10 episodes

Sisco's perfect pulp fiction pedigree — a pin-up worthy Carla Gugino as the titular hard-boiled marshal, a script adapted from Elmore Leonard's novel/Steven Soderbergh's film Out of Sight, a costarring turn by Jackie Brown's Robert Forster, and a sizzling Miami setting — only stuck in viewers' teeth. ABC nixed the show after seven airings. —Aubry D'Arminio

2004-2005, NBC, 11 episodes

An animated family comedy about a white jungle cat performing for Siegfried & Roy might've been a tough sell — but then, months before ''Pride'' debuted, Roy was mauled during a performance by a white tiger. After that, even a fantastic voice cast (John Goodman, Cheryl Hines, Orlando Jones) couldn't make the show feel anything but morbid. —Darren Franich

2003-2004, Spike TV, 13 episodes

Remember when Pamela Anderson was everywhere, a bubbly, busty magnet for attention? That's about when she and Marvel Comics editor emeritus Stan Lee created this animated show about — you guessed — a stripper who fought crime. What Anderson failed to take into account was that her ample charms didn't have the same allure in cartoon form. —Marc Bernardin

2006-2007, ABC, 8 episodes

Based on the idea of six degrees of separation, this ABC series focusing on the relationships between six main characters in NYC was much-anticipated in the fall of 2006 — so anticipated, in fact, that it got the plum post-Grey's Anatomy slot on Thursday evenings. But even its J.J. Abrams pedigree couldn't save it: After airing just six episodes to rather lackluster ratings, Six Degrees was yanked. —Tanner Stransky

2009, NBC, 13 episodes

NBC came out of the gate early, promoting their alternate-universe, modern-day retelling of the Bible's King David story: those mysterious orange-and-white butterfly posters were everywhere. Problem was, few knew what Kings actually was — sci-fi allegory, byzantine family soap, religious drama — least of all NBC. With no idea how to reach an audience, the network just let it die, moving it all over the schedule before burning it off over the summer. Which is a shame, as it was as mature, well-written, and breathtakingly realized show as you're likely to see on network TV. —Marc Bernardin

2005, Fox, 9 episodes

Five high school friends (including Brothers & Sisters' Dave Annable and The Mentalist's Amanda Righetti) reassemble for their 20th reunion when, pow! (literally), one of them is murdered. Who was it? And who did it? Let's flashback to the '80s (the decade of their graduation) to distill all their grudges, backstabs, and affairs in order to figure it out. Or not: Reunion barely got past showing the identity of the victim before it was cancelled. — Aubry D'Arminio

2006-2007, NBC, 22 episodes

Late-night sketch comedy is funny. A talky, self-serious show about late-night sketch comedy is...not something anybody wants to watch. That was the hard lesson NBC learned with Aaron Sorkin's much-ballyhooed return to television after The West Wing. While the cast was pedigreed — Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford, Amanda Peet — and Sorkin's writing was sharp, his patented walk-and-talks were not as effective when characters were in a huff about those bastards at network standards and practices. —Kristen Baldwin

2008-2009, NBC, 17 episodes

The original, Australian Kath & Kim garnered gads of awards, had one of the highest rated season openers in down under history, and became a pop culture phenomenon there and in the U.K. as fans glommed on to the character's quirky clothes, classless behavior, and witless quotations (''My marriage is over. O-V-A-H. Over.''). Here, the mother-daughter comedy (starring Molly Shannon and Selma Blair) simply dawdled with middling ratings, terribly unfunny moments (you can see her thong!), and eventual cancellation. —Aubry D'Arminio

2001, Fox, 12 episodes

When they were merely a trio of recurring characters on The X-Files — brilliant and nerdy conspiracy theorists who aided Mulder in his investigations and who drooled over the nerd-hot Scully — the Lone Gunmen (Tom Braidwood, Bruce Harwood, Dean Haglund) were goofy fun. But when they got their own spin-off series, disconnected from the larger Mulder-Scully mythological saga and stuck in second-rate, played-for-laughs sci-fi, just goofy. —Jeff Jensen

Crazy Mean Baby Of The Day, Vol. 2 (updated)

Crazy Mean Baby is an internet meme you can read about here.

You can see CMB, Vol. 1 here.

It all started with this photo:


Nietzsche Baby

Amélie Baby

Kirk Baby

Jules Baby

Gandolf Baby

Family Guy Baby

Borg Baby

Crow Baby

Axl Baby

Billy Ray Baby

Kojak Baby

Austin Powers Baby

Darth Baby

Update: check out what Randy did.

Another addition, this one from Adam.

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Room For Rent

Room above Seedy OB Bar

Date: 2009-07-17, 10:37PM PDT

If the look of peeling plaster and the stench of mold and vomit and urine don't bother you, then this might be exactly what you are looking for.

I lived here for six years and only recently had to move out because my new girlfriend is super uptight about all the traffic and noise and chicks knocking on my door looking for a place to crash after drinking themselves into a slutty stupor. I don't know why she cares since she was one of those slutty chicks when I first met her.

This place is a friggin freak incubator. Not kidding. Serious.

Whenever you flush the toilet you have to call the bar so they can clear the area on the floor where the water leaks down from the ceiling. There was a stabbing in there one night about 2 years ago because someone thought someone else had thrown a beer at them, but it was just the water from the pipes pouring down on the stupid drunk fucks head.

I do not require you to be drug free, you can have any number of people living with you, you can punch holes in the wall and throw furniture out the window.... I really don't mind.

You don't have to do housework or give me blowjobs. You don't have to have a job or proof of income to qualify. I can tell if I can trust you just by smelling your underwear.

Paying rent is the only thing that you have to do. Serious. The minute I even think you are going to stiff me on the rent you will suffer more pain than you could ever imagine. I don't care how you get the money, just as long as you have it not more later than the 3rd of every month.

I can't tell you the name of the bar because if you know where it is then you probably have crashed out here or been to one of the many impromptu orgies that have been here. If I know who you are then I probably don't want to rent the place to you.

I know a set up when I smell one, so don't get any stupid ideas. I'm not stupid, but I had a stroke and I talk like I'm stupid. Too much alcohol and drugs. But it's been fun.

No one has ever completely died in this apartment, but the police and fire department make courtesy checks regularly in case anyone needs a trip to the hospital.

Obviously this place is not for square johns.

Abbot Street at Brighton Ave, Ocean Beach.

Vid Of The Day: Audition

This is a couple of years old but somehow I have missed it up to now. I would've remembered.

I guess he didn't get whatever part he wanted. Or any part. Ever.


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