Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Guillotine

best of craigslist > lawrence >

Children's guillotine

Date: 2009-10-13, 6:55PM CDT

Looking to get rid of this childen's size guillotine, only used once.
Has been cleaned and recently oiled, sure to make any child happy!

Christmas is coming up soon so don't miss this one!!

PostingID: 1420282302

Classic Movie Clip Of The Day: Mondays

I will never tire of this movie. Ever. Put a copy in my casket, please. Thanks.

Movie Clichés Of The Day, Vol. 2

As compiled by film critic Roger Ebert on his site.

Fountain of Youth
Whenever a childless male is forced to change a diaper for the first time and the infant is a male, the infant will inevitably and energetically urinate on him.

Licking the Llama
When a comic actor makes out with an extremely beautiful person, the kiss is often revealed to be nothing more than a dream sequence, and in fact the actor is being licked by a slobbering animal.

Getting In Shape

In any movie where an athlete must raise himself to another level, there is always a scene in which he/she is seen working out in preposterous ways. This may involve running through crowds that throw fruit at you (Rocky), having champagne glasses set up on hurdles (Chariots of Fire) or balancing on the bow of a rowboat in the ocean (The Karate Kid).

Magic Bus
During a chase on foot, if a bus, or any other vehicle longer than a van comes between the chaser and the chasee, the person being chased will magically disappear, thus leaving the chaser dumbfounded.

One-at-a-Time Attack Rule
In any situation where the hero is alone, surrounded by dozens of bad guys, they will always obligingly attack one at a time.

'"Let's get out of here"
The most common line of dialogue, due to its versatility and applicability to any situation from "Were under attack!" to "I'm in love with you."

SNL Grandma Rule
In a surprising number of films featuring former cast members of "Saturday Night Live," the main plot device involves saving Grandma or another older person from losing her house, livelihood, etc. See The Blues Brothers, Happy Gilmore, Dirty Work, etc.

Gullible Entendre

Scene where the audience is expected to believe that two characters can carry on an entire conversation where one thinks theyre discussing something like mathematics or banking, but the other thinks theyre discussing sex. See Milk Money, Frozen Assets, every episode of "Threes Company."

Party Movie
The gathering of a loose affiliation of stock players, friends, relatives, star wannabes, hangers-on and professional acquaintances making cameo appearances under the vague notion that a movie is being made. At best, the host is Robert Altman and the end result is art (Nashville, The Player). At worst, the host is Andy Warhol and the result is junk (Lonesome Cowboys). Usually the host is like Burt Reynolds and the result is low-brow entertainment (Smokey and the Bandit).

No. 42 Crosstown Expedience Route
The bus that runs directly between where the characters are and where the scriptwriter needs them to be, every day of the week, at any time of day or night.

Antiques Of Death
Straight razors, ice picks, paperweights, fireplace pokers, meat cleavers, crowbars, dueling pistols, ceremonial daggers, swords, sabers, battle-axes, giant marble ashtrays and other archaic, cliche weapons of mayhem that always seem to be handy for movie murders, even though few homes might actually have any such antiques readily available for an impromptu killing.

Niner Rule
Whenever a movie requires the use of military-style radio transmission (i.e., "Romeo Oscar Golf Echo Romeo" for "Roger"), if any numbers are being transmitted, one of them will always be "Niner," because it sounds so cool.

Angelic Bicyclist
Whenever movie characters are seen blissfully riding a bicycle with eyes closed and arms outstretched like angels wings, there is a strong likelihood that they are about to collide with a massive object and be killed.

Flying Felines of Fear
In every Dead Teenager Movie since the dawn of time, some hapless victim is scared witless by the sudden appearance of a cat which has apparently been flung at the actor by some off-camera stagehand.

Fruit Cart Scene
An ancient tradition. Any vehicular chase sequence must involve the upturning or smashing of a cart of fruit, such as one would find along a street or in a farmers market. These crashes precipitate much strategic leaping by merchants, shoppers, and other pedestrians (played by stunt persons) who fling themselves out of harm's way in the nick of time.

Geek Ego Effect

Exemplified by the Dennis Nedry character in Jurassic Park, this describes the maniacal behavior of the mandatory overweight nerd with thick glasses, pen protector, and an I'll-get-even-with-the-rest-of-the-world-for-not-taking-me-seriously attitude.

Action-Relationship Clause
Distinguished actors often justify starring in mindless action films by stating that they're actually "relationship" films in disguise. During publicity interviews, they say things like, "What attracted me to the script is the relationship between the characters and how it evolves over the course of the film." Said relationship usually consists of two cops who hate each other at the beginning but end up relying on each other in subsequent chase and fight scenes.

Pocket Full of Rye
Movie alcoholics carry tiny pocket flasks holding only enough booze to make them crave more. Though the flask doesn't contain enough booze to satisfy the drunk, he always offers an offended sober person a drink.

Gentleman Villain

Any head of a large organization who speaks with perfect, condescending diction and wears elegant, custom-fitted suits is the villain.

All-Seeing Camera
The remarkable ability of a stationary surveillance camera or news camera operated by a lone cameraman to film or video an incident from several different angles and distances all at once. When played back, the resulting film or videotape exactly duplicates the original point-of-view of the audience, right down to the sequence of the montage. See Enemy of the State, etc.

Gun Disposal Rule

The character pulls the trigger, but the gun only clicks, because its empty. So, the character throws it away. Obviously, it will never be needed again.

Last Cell Syndrome
Whenever a character must visit someone in jail, the jailed characters cell is always the last one on the cell block, so the visitor must slowly pass by every other cell in terror.

Monokini Law
All bikini-oriented movies, including swimsuit videos, are required by California law to have at least one scene where the top is removed for comic effect. Bonus points if done by a dog.

George Carlin's Toilet-Head Syndrome
"Have you noticed that in the movies a popular thing to do is stick someones head in the toilet and flush the toilet repeatedly? Where did that come from? You never saw Spencer Tracy stick Henry Fonda's head in the toilet. Maybe Katharine Hepburns, but not Fonda's." -- George Carlin, from Napalm and Silly-Putty.

Cooperative Shooter Rule
No matter what kind of cover the hero hides behind, it will stop enemy bullets. In Beverly Hills Cop 3, Eddie Murphy uses a park bench for cover, and the bad guys to shoot all the slats and none of the gaps.

More Time To Die
When an unimportant stooge of the bad guy is shot, he will fall over and die immediately. But when the main villain is shot, he will remain standing, slowly looking down at the growing blood stain on his chest (see Pirates of the Caribbean).

Grim Reaper's Fertility Clinic
The chances of a heroine conceiving a child with the hero from a one-night stand skyrocket if the hero dies later in the film (The Fly, Terminator, Cold Mountain).

(See Movie Clichés Of The Day, Vol 1)

Sucktacular 80s Music Video Of The Day: Woman

I wonder when they're coming to Rock Band? Look, I dig Australia/ns, but you guys owe us one for this. Smauge. Bludger. I'm talking to you.

A suggestion from Beyst.

March Mugshot Roundup

My peeps, my perps.

Who wants an asshole burrito?

Flair is not a crime

Bad shirt, no bail

Looks like someone beat me to it

2, 4, 6, 8, who do we incarcerate?

The doctor will eat see you now

How about neither?


Dayum. I better smile.

Calvin couldn't figure out why they called him Mr. Microphone

The fuck is that?

Yo, Adrianne!

Jail: so easy, a caveman can do it

No one told her that badgers make terrible pets

Jesus hates goatees

What does that even mean?

"I won't stand for this!"

How about a nice Hawaiian punch? Oh, you already got yours. Never mind.


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