Friday, June 17, 2011

Conversation With My Kid (Of The Day)

As seen on our Stuff My Kid Says Facebook page (join us!). As not seen on my Stuff My Kiki Says Twitter page because Twitter only allows like 20 characters (160, actually, but feels like 20).

Earlier this week my daughter came home with one of those paper cube things girls in school used to make to tell your fortune by asking you questions and flit-flit-flitting the thing back and forth with their fingers to get the answer, which was usually something like "You're gonna marry [name of unfortunate-looking classmate]," followed by hysterical giggling. [I have since learned that these things are called cootie catchers. Which makes no sense whatsoever, but okay.] She wanted to try it on me, and I agreed, because I rule as a dad.

K: Pick a number between three and six.

ME: Six.

K: (flit-flit-flit-flit-flit-flit). Okay, pick a color.

ME: Green.

K: No green. Orange, purple, pink or black.

ME: Those are terrible choices.

K (annoyed): Just say black.

ME: No. Purple.

K: (flit-flit-flit-flit) Now pick a berry.

ME: A what? A berry?

K: (impatient) Yes! You know, like, strawberry. Duh!

ME: Strawberry.

K: There's no strawberry. Blueberry, raspberry, blackberry or boysenberry.

ME: Boysenberry?! Who made this thing?

K: Just pick one!

ME: Blueberry.

K: (flit-flit-flit-flit-flit) Okay, here's your fortune. (opens flap to read) You will be eaten by wolves.

I demanded a do-over, of course, and got a new fortune: "You stink."

I asked the girl what other answers I missed out on, and she read them off to me:

"You will get a pet someday." Not pet wolves I hope.

"You will eat pie today." I wish.

"You will win 1000 bucks." I wish!

"You will 'droun' in the pool." Hopefully before I watch you flunk spelling.

"You pooped in your pants."
Yes, right after you told me about the wolves.

That's seven answers. She wouldn't tell me the last one, and when I tried to read it off the paper, she snatched it away, crumpled it into a ball and ran off. Must be good, whatever it was.

Unfortunate Word Verifications of the Day

We all giggle when we get a funny word verification, right? I once got one that said, "balless," which amused me more than it should have.

Here's a list of some truly unfortunate "Captchas." (Did you know they were called that? I sure didn't.)

Pics from Supertremendous, commentary by me, Bev.

Much better than the alternative.

A chapter from the beloved children's classic,
"Mr. Toad Visits The Proctologist."

Nice of you to offer, Rep. Weiner, but I'm gonna pass.

This would make a good rapper name.

Pimps to the left of me, Ho's to the right?

Anyone else, sure, but no Dick. He sucks.

Right? Frugging Kenyans! Make me so mad!

I'm sure they meant roosters.

Together we can make "Great Caesar's Erection!" a hip
new expression.
C'mon, who's with me?

I love how the letters are at a jaunty angle.
After all, boobies are fun & zany!

See all 20 of them here.

What's the best captcha you've ever gotten?

Inappropriate Bedtime Story Of The Day (NSFW)

It's been a couple of years since I had this kind of trouble with the kids, but I can totally relate.

The reading starts about a minute in after a bit of chit-chat.



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