Wednesday, July 27, 2011

News Of The Day: Cranky Old Woman Arrested for Truck Nutz

From The Smoking Gun.

Testicle-Adorned Truck Leads South Carolina Woman To Trial

A South Carolina woman will face a jury trial over a $445 ticket written to her after a police chief deemed the red truck testicles hanging off her vehicle violated a state obscenity law.

Virginia Tice, 65, was issued the ticket earlier this month after her truck was pulled over by Bonneau Police Department Chief Franco Fuda who saw the popular adornment known as “Truck Nutz” or “Bulls Balls” hanging from her 2004 Dodge.

Her violation was recorded by the chief as “Obscene Bumber Sticker” which falls under a state law involving displays that community standards deem “patently offensive” and include “sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body."

According to a court clerk a trial will be scheduled for late August. It will allow Tice’s peers to determine what the community standard is when it comes to dangling novelty balls off the back of one’s truck.

Craigslist Ads Of The Day: Jogging Partner/Jedi Needed

Two quickies for your reading pleasure.

best of craigslist > des moines >

Jogging Partner

Date: 2011-05-26, 9:09PM CDT

I am looking for a person of athletic build to help me get in shape.

I hate exercising with passion so the plan of action is this: I ingest Rohypnol [you supply the roofies as I don't know where to purchase them] and you strap my body to yours [limbs to limbs using velcro] and take me along on a jog.

Three nights a week.

If you're capable and interested, E-mail me so that we can discuss the fee.

best of craigslist > western mass >

Jedi Needed To Induce Labor

Date: 2011-06-15, 5:35PM EDT

I am nearing towards my due date and I am miserable. My child is about 9 lbs now and I still have 2 weeks to go.

I was hoping that tonight's full moon will do the trick, but this child is as snug as a bug in my uterus.

I'm looking for someone who possesses Jedi powers to use their mind tricks on my child to convince him to come early. The sooner the better.

If you are a master in the way's of the Jedi please help me deliver this child! Many thanks and may the force be with you and my womb.

Bizarre PSA Of The Day: Smoking Kills R2D2

Nah, not buying it. R2 would never pick up a cig. Darth Vader, on the other hand...

C-3PO: Oh no! Are you smoking, Lord Vader? Smoking does dreadful things to your lungs... (Vader puts cig between lips to hold, activates lightsaber) ...and is very dangerous for your-- (ZWOWNSWSHHH!!! CLANGCRASH!....... CLINKTINKTINK!.................CLANG)


Vader takes a long drag on his cig.

Great Showdowns Of The Day

Original art by Scott C. from his website, The Great Showdowns. He writes:

Since the beginning of time, there has been struggle. The epic clash of being against being. Tyrannosaurus Rex vs. Triceratops. Giant Squid vs. the Sperm Whale. The Circle vs. the Square. This is a chronicling of some of the greatest confrontations in FILM HISTORY. The greatest moments of melee. These are the GREAT SHOWDOWNS.

Link from Wendy.

“You fooled ‘em, Chief. You fooled ‘em all!”

“I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.”

“We accept you, one of us! Gooble Gobble!”

“Well, good! I’m sick of runnin’ from these wimps!”

“In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people… the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing…”

“You make it with some of these chicks, they think you gotta dance with them.”

"You’re lying. It didn’t die. You took it. You’re lying. You witches! You’re lying! You’re lying! You’re lying! You’re LYING!”

“No matter what I say, it draws controversy. It’s sort of like the abortion issue.”

"Learnin about Cuba, havin some food."

"They're all gonna laugh at you!"

"I made a new friend today."

"I'm your huckleberry."

"Two dollars."

(See more at The Great Showdowns.)

80s Turd Of The Day: Loose

I tortured my child and her friend with this song in the car yesterday. Then at the stop light I danced in my seat like an aging drug-addled rocker until people in other cars looked at us. Ah, 80s channel -- my sweet revenge for hours of (S)Hits 1.


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