Friday, March 30, 2012

Vid Of The Day: Dog & Elephant

Saw this on TV last night and thought it was cool. It's not new but I had never seen it.


Things Men Love, According To Science (Of The Day)

From The Frisky.

RED

A study conducted at the University of Rochester found that men prefer a lady in red. Just like that cheesy '80s song! Men who looked at pictures of women in red and women in green were drawn to the former. "These findings indicate that color not only has aesthetic value but can carry meaning and impact psychological functioning in subtle, important, and provocative ways," said researchers.

SEXY NEWS ANCHORS

Two studies out of Indiana University found that when men watch sexually attractive female news anchors, they are less likely to remember the news. "Men's cognitive mechanisms favored visual over verbal processing," the study concluded. This may make it very difficult for your dude to stay informed on current events. Best switch him to news radio.

PUMPKIN PIE

Research has found that pumpkin pie is the scent that most enhances blood flow to the penis. “Throw away the perfume and go get some pumpkin pie,” said Dr. Alan Hirsch of Chicago’s Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Center. More like slather it all over your entire body.

BRUNETTES

The social network Badoo polled men in the UK and found that the majority of gentlemen prefer brunettes. About 33% said they find women with brown hair the most attractive, while 29% were fans of black hair. Do your math. That's more than 60% of men who dig the dark-haired beauties. Eat that, blondes.


List continues at The Frisky.


Classic Music Vid Of The Day: OEOEO

Jesse...now, now...Jerome.

Top 10 Nasty-Ass Candies Of The Day

From Spinderfella and Candy Addict.

White Chocolate Maggots

White chocolate is nasty by itself; shape it like a maggot and you've got a winner. They look more like grubs than maggots--not that it really matters.

Hose Nose

Strap the plastic nose dispenser to your face and catch the oozing candy slime with your tongue, like you used to do when you were three.

Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans

These aren't as nasty as they sound. They are much, much worse.

Ear Wax Candy

Yes, ear wax candy. It’s a plastic ear filled with a fruity jelly-like candy that resembles ear wax. It even comes with a plastic “swab” to use to dig out the candy. Yum!

Candy Scabs

They come on an adhesive bandage replica that sticks to skin and encloses a candy ‘scab’ for licking so you can keep some candy on you (hidden) for licking any time.

See the rest of them here, but before you go, I'd like to add some to the list. These aren't quite as bad as candy snot and maggots, but they're close.

Circus Peanuts

Who eats these? Nobody, that's who. I wish they were real circus peanuts. I'd love to watch a trainer give these to his elephants and see what happens. I'd take video of it, too, because TruTV pays good money for that kind of carnage.

Zero bar

"Made with caramel, peanut and almond nougat covered with delicious white fudge." What the fuck is a nougat? Looks like a week-old dog turd and probably tastes like one, too.

Necco wafers

Hard, dusty, flavor-challenged discs of pointlessness.

Dubble Bubble

Worst. Bubble. Gum. Ever. Hard as a rock. Tastes like shit. Flavor lasts about 15 seconds if you're lucky. Responsible for almost as much dental work as Sugar Daddy suckers.

Peeps

A mixture of marshmallow, gelatin and wax shaped into tiny chickens. *gag* I can't even look at these things.

Boston Baked Beans

I used to go to a movie theater that had these as a candy selection. Once I asked a guy behind the counter if anyone ever bought them. He said, and I quote verbatim, "We haven't sold those for years. Nobody ever bought them. I'm not sure why the box is still in there. It might be stuck to the glass."

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Awesome Vid Of The Day: Stars

Very nice. I wish they had picked better (non-elevator) music, but 'tis a small complaint when weighed against the visuals. Enjoy. It's even better if you follow the link and click on Couch Mode.


Unfortunate Newspaper Photo/Headline Placements Of The Day

The unemployment rate just went up, at least among newspaper editors.





































Sources: Failblog.org, HappyPlace.com, Flickr, Yahoo.com

WTF Commercial Of The Day: AHF

Stay the hell away from my holes, Lou.


Celebrities Who Look Like Discarded Mattresses (Of The Day)

From a Facebook gallery (link at bottom of post).



















More here.

Retro Commercial Of The Day: Beautiful

Another one of those jingles you didn't realize you had forgotten until you hear it again, then you remember every word. I'm pretty sure the cheerleader is Lori "Full House" Loughlin.


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Top 17 Overused Movie Soundtrack Songs

From my friends at The Shark Guys.

"Soundtracks are an indispensable part of the movie-going experience. Think of how creepy and unnatural romantic comedy sightseeing montages would be without accompanying music and the biking doffings just aren’t the same without leering bass lines.

But there are some songs that have been used so often many are now either only used ironically or in films so devoid of creativity they need to write a royalty check to someone who probably already has a shoebox full of receipts from past ones. Someone has to put a stop to that gravy train and we’re doing it here with our list of the Most Overused Movie Soundtrack Songs."



17. Bad to the Bone (George Thorogood)

Uses: This is a very versatile song. Because it has “bone” in the title, it can be used for the kinds of actors you have to clean up after (dogs, that is – not the rehab-bound). However, it’s also a favorite for scenes where a former wimp undergoes some sort of transformation and the Thorogood number kicks in as he makes his reappearance (for added effect, said opening shot should begin at the hero’s feet and move slowly up).

Featured In: Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Megamind, Joe Dirt, The Parent Trap, Talk Radio, Problem Child, Problem Child 2, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, 3000 Miles to Graceland, Talk Radio.



13. Walkin’ on Sunshine (Katrina & the Waves)

Uses: Sunshine is universally perceived as happy despite its nasty effects on people with freckled complexions. You’re unlikely to see Joe Pesci collecting gambling debts or hit-men puncturing retinas to the strains of this disposable 80s confection.

Featured In: Herbie Fully Loaded, Ella Enchanted, Daddy Day Care, Master of Disguise, High Fidelity, Bean, Look Who’s Talking, The Secret of my Succe$s, American Psycho, Into the Wild Green Yonder, and the trailer for Bye Bye Love.



8. Let’s Get it On (Marvin Gaye)

Uses: Perverting the order of the universe, the completely unappealing hero gets the girl and does things to her which ups the movie’s rating from PG.

Featured In: The Change-up, Marmaduke, The Bounty Hunter, Frankie and Alice, Blades of Glory, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, Something’s Gotta Give, Crossroads, High Fidelity, Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, Love Stinks, The Taking of Beverly Hills, Nine Months


See the rest at The Shark Guys.

Vid Of The Day: Man vs Goose

Just walk away, dipshit. I mean, before you try to hit the thing 100 times and piss it off.

Punchlines To Eleven Of My Favorite Jokes


"That dog will bite you!"

"Bring me my brown pants!"

"Because Saturday is your day in the barrel."

"A brunette with bad breath."

"Arrrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

"Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

"Ha, I fooled them. I didn't wear any underwear!"

"I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

"I didn't get a good look at them. It all happened so fast."

"Coffee break's over! Back on your heads!"

"Get him, Jesus!"

Vid Of The Day: The ABCs of Monsters

In the spirit of yesterday's 80s movie poster, but tougher (to me, at least).


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Vintage Illustration Of The Day: The Drunkard's Progress

More like regress, if this drawring is to be believed. You'll need to click for a larger view in order to read the text. Example: "Step 4: drunk and riotous."


Vid Of The Day: Celebs Reading Nasty Tweets About Themselves

The last one is the best.


80s Movie Quiz Poster Of The Day

Each letter = first letter in the name of the movie. Harder than it looks (TWHS!). Good luck. I should point out that "I" is wrong.


Favorite British Words Of The Day

Not mine, Merriam-Webster's. Mine are guv'na, gor blimey and bollocks. Jiggery-pokery... nothing at all what I thought it was. Ditto boffin (the apostrophe makes a difference: boffin'). I thought pukka was a type of bead.



From M-W: "Although Merriam-Webster is a dictionary of American English, it contains a range of words rarely heard outside Britain. Here are some of our favourites."

PRAT: a stupid or foolish person

"Everyone's feeling a bit summery this morning, with a few rays breaking out over Britain and some of you lot daring to break the 'anyone who wears sunglasses in April is a prat' rule that we just made up." – 3am.co.uk, April 6, 2011

TWEE: affectedly or excessively dainty, delicate, cute, or quaint

"Micmacs [is a] ramshackle and unbearably twee French comedy." – Daily Mail Online, February 26, 2010

(Twee + Prat = Twat, a quaint idiot? - C.)

KNACKERED: tired, exhausted

"Went for a 4-miler and then when I got back from work we took the kids swimming. Nice and knackered now." – blog post at SoreLimbs.co.uk, January 18, 2011

JIGGERY-POKERY: dishonest or suspicious activity; nonsense

"[Greece] flouted European Union rules on the limits to budget deficits; its national accounts were a moussaka of minced statistics, topped with a cheesy sauce of jiggery-pokery." – Jeff Randall, The Telegraph, May 20, 2010

PLONK: cheap or inferior wine

"Fine diners are drinking premier cru wines at plonk prices as a bring-your-own booze revolution gathers pace in Britain's best restaurants." – Robert Booth, The Guardian, June 20, 2010

CHUNTER: to talk in a low inarticulate way: mutter

"Tell me about it. I was chuntering on last night about *padded* training bras." – michlan on Twitter, April 13, 2011

WHINGE: to complain fretfully: whine

"I shall have one pint of beer less every time I'm in the pub, and I might occasionally whinge about the rises in the cost of living outstripping my wages." – blog post on A Dull Day at Work, April 2, 2011

GORMLESS: lacking intelligence: stupid

"Gormless, unhelpful and poorly trained shop staff create merry hell for customers who are simply exercising their legal rights to a repair, refund or replacement." – Sam Dunn, Two Pennies Worth blog, March 22, 2011

BOFFIN: a scientific expert and especially one involved in technological research

"Brain boffins at University College London have made a major breakthrough in the ongoing effort to bridge the gap between man and machine." – Rik Myslewski, The Register, April 11, 2011

PUKKA: genuine, authentic; first-class

"... the record-breaking Sri Lankan [cricket player] has always shown himself a pukka gent...." – William Langley, The Telegraph, July 24, 2010

More at Merriam Webster.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Movie Trailer Of The Day: Prometheus

Sort of an Alien prequel, sort of not. Wikipedia explains:

"Prometheus is an upcoming science fiction film directed by Ridley Scott and written by Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindelof. The film stars Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Guy Pearce, Idris Elba, Logan Marshall-Green and Charlize Theron. The plot follows the crew of the spaceship Prometheus in the year 2085, as they explore an advanced alien civilization in search of the origins of humanity.

Conceived as a prequel to Scott's 1979 science fiction horror film Alien, rewrites of Spaihts's script by Lindelof developed a separate story that precedes the events of Alien, but which is not directly connected to the films in the Alien franchise. According to Scott, though the film shares 'strands of Alien's DNA, so to speak,' and takes place in the same universe, Prometheus will explore its own mythology and ideas.

Principal photography began in March 2011, with filming taking place in Canada, England, Iceland, and Spain. Prometheus is scheduled for release between May 30 and June 8, 2012 in various territories through 20th Century Fox."

Whatever it is, it looks intense. I'm sure Pat Collins will love it.



Vid Of The Day: Upstairs (NSFW)

Honesty might not always be the best policy, but it's usually the most efficient one. From TheMovieGuru.


News Of The Day: Study Finds That Newborn Infants Can Tell If Their Parents Are Losers

From The Onion.



Study Finds Newborn Infants Can Tell If Parents Are Losers

March 21, 2012

CHICAGO—A study published this week in the journal Pediatrics found that, within seconds of their birth, babies have the ability to sense whether their parents are losers.

"From the moment they open their eyes, newborns can tell if their mother had no other options and was forced to settle for their father, or if their father is a sad sack who has no friends and gets drunk on a single glass of chardonnay," said researcher Dr. Stuart Lindstrom, explaining that despite their blurry vision, infants can still identify basic loser body types, and have specialized olfactory receptors allowing them to detect the odor of failure.

"In fact, we've determined that as early as the second trimester, a fetus picks up on the income and social standing of its mother via the umbilical cord."

The study also concluded that the screams of newborns stem from the sudden realization they will be stuck with their loser parents for at least 18 years.

Meme Of The Day: Joseph Ducreux/Archaic Rap Guy

From KnowYourMeme:

"Joseph Ducreux (1735–1802) is an eighteenth century French artist known for his unorthodox style of portrait paintings. On the interweb, his eccentric self-portrait has inspired a series of exploitable macros, featuring archaic reinterpretation of popular rap lyrics superimposed over the artwork. This highly verbose joke provides a satisfying challenge of 'decoding' the corrupted lyrics back into to the original verses. Variations of the meme include verbose translations of popular web phrases such as 'Come at me, bro' and 'All your base are belong to me'."

























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