Monday, April 30, 2012

News Of The Day: Hot Wheels

Florida: America's meatfuck capital. From The Smoking Gun.


Cops: Girl's Kin Towed Her Toy Car Behind SUV

APRIL 30--The grandparents of a seven-year-old Florida girl were arrested yesterday after they allegedly got drunk and used their SUV to tow the child while she was seated in a plastic Hot Wheels car.

Paul Berloni, 49, and Belinda Jean Berloni, 47, were busted Sunday afternoon after a sheriff’s deputy spotted them pulling the girl’s toy car, which was attached to the SUV by a pair of dog leashes. 

The child, who was not injured, was only wearing a swimsuit “and had no protective gear on whatsoever,” according to a Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office report.

A deputy estimated that the Hot Wheels car was traveling between 5-10 miles per hour when a traffic stop was executed. Paul Berloni, who was driving the SUV, reeked of booze, had watery and bloodshot eyes, and his speech was “slowed and slurred.” When asked for his driver’s license, Berloni said that it was “revoked for 10 years for a DUI.”

Belinda Berloni was riding in the vehicle’s cargo area “with the rear hatch open cheering the child on as she was being pulled behind the vehicle.”

Berloni--who a deputy noted was also drunk--stated that “it was dangerous to drag a child behind the vehicle,” but that “they were just having fun and had been doing this all day.”

The Berlonis “failed to provide adequate supervision for the child and put the child in a situation that could have easily resulted in great bodily harm, permanent disfigurement or even death.”

As such, the couple (pictured in the above mug shots) was each charged with child cruelty. Paul Berloni was also hit with drunk driving and driving with a suspended license counts.

When the child’s father, Justin Oetting, arrived at the scene, he became very upset at his mother, a deputy noted. He asked Belinda Berloni, “Are you fucking stupid you should know better.” The girl was placed in Oetting’s custody.

The Berlonis are being held in the Sarasota County jail, where bond has not been set on the felony cruelty toward child count.

Vid Of The Day: Honk

From The Onion.


Tired Of Traffic? A New DOT Report Urges Drivers: 'Honk'

People You'll Meet On Every Neighborhood E-Mail List

Yup. I know them all.


THE LOOSE CANNON

This person is liable at any moment to pepper the email chain with profanity, personal attacks, or links to NSFW YouTube videos wholly unrelated to anything going on in the neighborhood. If your group has a hands-on moderator, you might not know these people exist.

THE ARMCHAIR URBAN PLANNER

This person is always ready to debate the pending arrival of the new mixed-use Ikea/condo with talking points about “economic development,” “transit corridors” and “walkable urbanism.”

THE LONGTIME RESIDENT

No matter how long you’ve lived in your neighborhood, this person has lived there longer, and will remind you of that fact every chance he or she gets. Favorite phrases include, “You don’t know the half of it,” “Back in my day,” and, “Perhaps it’s time for you to brush up on your local history.”

THE LOCAL-ISH BUSINESS OWNER WHO ISN'T

This guy neither lives in the immediate neighborhood nor runs a business that is actually located there. But every time he gets in a new shipment of stationery, he wants to keep people posted.

THE NEIGHBORHOOD PATROL NUT

He won’t ever stop preaching to the whole group about how everyone needs to lock their car doors at night. Also, he sometimes sends horribly offensive live safety alerts like, “There is a black man walking down Washington Boulevard right now.”

THE "REPLY ALL" GUY

If Ethel is looking for someone who knows a good antique sewing machine repairman, this individual will respond with the answer… to everyone.


(Continued at The Atlantic Cities)

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Weekend Links Of The Day

As promised.

Heck Yeah, Grilled Cheese. (Tumblr)

Forever Resentful Mother meme. (Quickmeme)

100 things your kids will never know about. (Wired)

It was only a matter of time. Boobstagram. (NSFW-ish)

Of Dolls And Murder, a crime scene dollhouse mini-documentary (2:06). From Kate.

Recreating movie moments in photo. Movie Mimic.

The 50 worst songs to play during sex. (xojane)

Friday, April 27, 2012

Mea Culpa Of The Day

My apologies for LOTD sucking this week. Work kicked my ass. I'll post some stuff this weekend to make up for it, so don't give up on us, baby.

Hugs and nipple twists,

CM

WTF Hair Salon Names Of The Day

And you thought "Shear Beauty" was bad.

 











How long will this take?

















Huh?


Oooh girl, who did that to your hair?


Come get whacked!




Where hair goes to die.


Ugh



And one awesome name



Thursday, April 26, 2012

Commercial Of The Day: Say No To Crack...

Did that kid just say "Fuck off, man!"? 

Thanks, Afro Amber, for the link.

News Story Of The Day: Hands Off Our Butthole

Butt means target. From This Is Leicestershire and Mighty Joe.

Don't mess with our butthole, say residents

(South Yorkshire) Residents in Conisburgh have forked out £300 to change the name of their street from Butt Hole Road to Archers Way.

Families in the four-house street say they were fed up with having endless bare bottoms photographed by the sign, having to replace it when it was nicked by pranksters and, well, being the butt of the jokes.

But, in the county town of Shepshed, home to a Butthole Lane, residents say changing the name of their infamous road would be like turning their backs on history.

Bill Hutchinson, who was born and bred in Shepshed and is now chairman of the parish council, said anyone wanting to re-name the lane would be "laughed out of court."


The 77-year-old said: "It is part of the tradition of Shepshed. Everybody that is a Shepshedian by birth has happy memories of Butthole Lane.

"It is a permanent fixture, I would hope, for centuries to come, and anyone proposing to change it would be laughed out of court."

According to the history books, Butthole Lane is where men went to practice their archery skills in Tudor times. Butt means target.

Mr Hutchinson's views are also shared by Andy MacMillan, director of football at Shepshed Dynamo FC.

The team's Dovecote stadium sits proudly on Butthole Lane, and while Mr MacMillan acknowledges it is something of a talking point, and also forms part of a lurid chant on the terraces, it's just a bit of schoolboy humour that the club would not want to lose.

He said: "It certainly provokes plenty of humour among visiting supporters when they look to see where they are playing and there are always supporters posing in front of the sign.

"It is a talking point, but a positive talking point. The origins are far removed from the modern meaning of the word.

"It certainly does not cause any embarrassment as far as we are concerned."

As for the road's residents they do not have a problem with it either.

Elsie Molyneux, 92, who has lived there for more than 10 years, said: "I am quite happy with it. I think old names are nice to have.

"That name is there for a reason, and just because meanings change does not mean the name of the road should."

Vid Of The Day: Avengers '78

There's a new movie coming out. This isn't it.



Hilariously Bad Church Signs Of The Day

There's a thunderstorm above me at this moment, so maybe posting this now isn't the smartest move. In case something happens, it's been nice knowing all of you. Thanks for reading. I'll see you on the other side (of the hot place).

And yes, some of these are surely Photochopped.




What? The Easter Bunny is dead?! No! It's a lie!




As long as it's a booth, I don't care


Hell's broke loose in Georgie and the devil deals the cards.




Ugh


Keepin' it real for the youth, and only ten years behind instead of the usual forty




And bad puns










Probably belongs to the pastor




So was Joan Of Arc and we all know how that turned out


"#3 is god on Saturday, but God is #1 every day."




But I got to kiss more girls there so it's okay

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