Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Dude Definitions Of The Day

I posted these on GuySpeak, my home away from LOTD. They call me the Wise-Ass there, and if you have a relationship problem, I might be able to help. Yeah, I know--WTF? But try me. And be sure to mention LOTD in your question so I'll answer it, since we get hundreds.

A diminutive, belligerent man at a bar.

When someone replays Mass Effect to see all the sex scenes.

Someone who has mastered the art of figuring out what angles they look best in pictures, rarely resulting in the same attractiveness in person.

A particularly good looking man of Jewish or Arab descent.

A generic phrase you use to change the subject when the conversation turns awkward.

Friend: "Betty left me for a carny since I can't get it up anymore, but it's not my fault, it's the anti-psychotics they're making me take since I tried to sodomize that cop. How 'bout you?"

You: "Um. I like cheese."

A sexual act that requires years of training and experience in order to execute.

The chip you use to recover the pieces of the one(s) you broke off in the dip.

When your significant other forces you to watch the TV show "Glee."

Someone who's normal and cool in real life but turns into a raging dick on the intrawebz.

A short notice date, only accepted if you like the person.

Nicer cans than mine? Bullshit. Where?

Braless, bouncy, bodacious, beautiful boobies.

What a guy gets when he gives his lady a surprise Shocker.

When you're drunk, but not so drunk you can't function.

The rhythm method of birth control, so named because it is the only form of contraception approved by the Catholic Church.

When you start reading something on a website, which links to something else, which links to something else, which... "I got no sleep last night: I was researching 'Good Times' and fell into a wikihole."

A band everybody sober hates and everybody drunk loves.

Footwear Of The Day: Bandals? Sandaloots?

From Sheila, who writes, "Dear Casey...." No, wait, sorry, wrong note. Sheila writes, "A friend is looking for old cowboy boots so she can do this to them. It's apparently a popular idea and people are asking her to do this to their old boots. Aren't these the most hideous things you've ever seen? These people plan on wearing these in public."

To which I reply, "Popular WHERE?" To me they look like something Jesus would wear to a cowboy bar.


News Of The Day: Not THAT Pam, The Other Pam

On the bright side, if you don't use it all for sex, you can fry up some chicken afterwards. 

From Blong and Huffington Post.

Woman Had Cooking Spray Sex, Threw Bottle At Boyfriend, Florida Cops Say

She was lubed up, then locked up.

A Florida woman was fine with bringing olive oil, and even PAM cooking spray, into the bedroom. But when her boyfriend brought up his former fling named Pam, she wasn't having it.

When Barbara Hall, 60, asked her 45-year-old boyfriend to go to the kitchen for some "sexual lubricant," he obliged, according to police reports.

Then things got slippery.

"Barbara asked if he had also brought the PAM cooking spray," the report states.

Avoid name confusion by
using all-natural Crisco
for your copulation

"Barbara believed [her boyfriend] misunderstood what she had said, and commented on a girl named Pam. He then admitted to having sex with Pam recently on her boat."

Hall then allegedly flew into a violent rage, punching her boyfriend repeatedly and then chucking the olive oil bottle, a keg cup and a flashlight at his head.

She told cops that she had no recollection of the assault.

Hall was arrested on a domestic battery charge and taken to jail. Her boyfriend went home.

Prank Of The Day: Shake Weight (vid/NSFW-ish)

A funny from Liz T.


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