Monday, August 20, 2012

News Of The Day: Co-Worker With Two Computer Screens Not F*cking Around

From The Onion.

FORT WORTH, TX—Credible sources within your office reported Monday that the guy on the third floor with two computer screens on his desk is not fucking around.

"Amazing—he comes in here, sits down next to me and my one sorry-ass screen, turns on his two screens, and starts tearing it up," marketing assistant Todd Piotrowski said as the guy dragged a window from one screen to the other, which sources confirmed was like watching fucking Minority Report or something.

"He's got three, maybe four programs open on each screen, plus some sort of group video chat running nonstop—he's going balls to the wall over there. How is he doing all this with only one keyboard?"

Piotrowski also speculated that if there’s a limit to how many tabs you can have open in your web browser at once, this guy's gonna hit it.

Product Reviews Of The Day: Banana Slicer

I love clever people. Thanks for the link, Sheila Wolden. From Amazon.

Excerpts from product reviews:

* Once I figured out I had to peel the banana before using - it works much better. Ordering one for my nephew. He's been using an old slinky to slice his bananas.

* i love it when there's progress. this unit is way better than the 571A! 

* I have 27 trained monkeys I use to do my evil bidding. The younger monkeys' teeth have not fully developed and so slicing a banana to feed them is a necessary chore. The adult monkeys used to have to chew up bananas and feed their young but not anymore with the Victorio Kitchen Products 571B Banana Slicer.

* I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slices is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way.  

* This works on hot dogs, too!!!!! I bet it would work on carrots, but I don't like carrots, I like hot dogs. Some people call them wieners. 

* Dude. I thought it was going to, like, slice all my bananas for me. You have to PICK THE THING UP and TAKE IT TO THE BANANA and PUT YOUR HANDS ON IT AND OPEN THE BANANA and THEN LAY THE PEELED BANANA DOWN and THEN SLICE IT and THEN PUT THE PIECES IN YOUR MOUTH. WTF?  Why would you want a product that expects you to do so much work. And this is the second type of FIVE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY ONE PROTOTYPES?

* My one complaint is that it is very difficult to find bananas that fit it properly. Most of them are too short and do not utilize all of the plastic cross pieces that perform the actual slicing of the banana. For this reason, I suggest bringing the 571B along with you to the store and finding the closest banana match, size-wise. I have recently started bringing along a food grade marker pen for the express reason of writing "DOES NOT FIT 571B" on each inferior banana, so as to save fellow users the trouble of remeasuring substandard fruit

* If God does not exist, then how is it that a banana fits so perfectly in this banana slicer? CHECKMATE, ATHEISTS! 

* This is the only one used on official world tournaments and don't settle for less. Some will try to sell you a 569, 570 or 571A but they are cheap versions of the real deal which is the 571B. At home I still have an old 134 series A (the cast iron one with the screw to set the width) which I use for special occasions, but when I travel the 571B is in my carry-on. The 200 and 300's are really more for people with a tomato background. 

More here.

Love Your Eyebrows! (Of The Day)

An LOTD classic.

Ms. Hooks

Mr. Freeze

Constance Surprise

Browless Bob


Comedy & Tragedy

You Must Pay The Rent! But I Can't Pay The Rent!

Julia Caesar

Nobody move. I don't think it's seen us yet.

Dopey (with Grumpy's eyebrows)

SeƱor Oruga

U Nee Brau

Mona Brow

Curses! Foiled Again!


The Yeti


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