Thursday, May 30, 2013

Amusing British Words Of The Day

(Thanks for your patience with spotty posts this week as I'm on holiday in the UK. In recognition of my travels I give you this oldie but goodie. - CM)

Not mine, Merriam-Webster's. Mine are guv'na, gor blimey and bollocks. Jiggery-pokery... nothing at all what I thought it was. Ditto boffin (the apostrophe makes a difference: boffin'). I thought pukka was a type of bead.



From M-W: "Although Merriam-Webster is a dictionary of American English, it contains a range of words rarely heard outside Britain. Here are some of our favourites."

PRAT: a stupid or foolish person

"Everyone's feeling a bit summery this morning, with a few rays breaking out over Britain and some of you lot daring to break the 'anyone who wears sunglasses in April is a prat' rule that we just made up." – 3am.co.uk, April 6, 2011

TWEE: affectedly or excessively dainty, delicate, cute, or quaint

"Micmacs [is a] ramshackle and unbearably twee French comedy." – Daily Mail Online, February 26, 2010

(Twee + Prat = Twat, a quaint idiot? - C.)

KNACKERED: tired, exhausted

"Went for a 4-miler and then when I got back from work we took the kids swimming. Nice and knackered now." – blog post at SoreLimbs.co.uk, January 18, 2011

JIGGERY-POKERY: dishonest or suspicious activity; nonsense

"[Greece] flouted European Union rules on the limits to budget deficits; its national accounts were a moussaka of minced statistics, topped with a cheesy sauce of jiggery-pokery." – Jeff Randall, The Telegraph, May 20, 2010

PLONK: cheap or inferior wine

"Fine diners are drinking premier cru wines at plonk prices as a bring-your-own booze revolution gathers pace in Britain's best restaurants." – Robert Booth, The Guardian, June 20, 2010

CHUNTER: to talk in a low inarticulate way: mutter

"Tell me about it. I was chuntering on last night about *padded* training bras." – michlan on Twitter, April 13, 2011

WHINGE: to complain fretfully: whine

"I shall have one pint of beer less every time I'm in the pub, and I might occasionally whinge about the rises in the cost of living outstripping my wages." – blog post on A Dull Day at Work, April 2, 2011

GORMLESS: lacking intelligence: stupid

"Gormless, unhelpful and poorly trained shop staff create merry hell for customers who are simply exercising their legal rights to a repair, refund or replacement." – Sam Dunn, Two Pennies Worth blog, March 22, 2011

BOFFIN: a scientific expert and especially one involved in technological research

"Brain boffins at University College London have made a major breakthrough in the ongoing effort to bridge the gap between man and machine." – Rik Myslewski, The Register, April 11, 2011

PUKKA: genuine, authentic; first-class

"... the record-breaking Sri Lankan [cricket player] has always shown himself a pukka gent...." – William Langley, The Telegraph, July 24, 2010


More at Merriam Webster.


Friday, May 24, 2013

8 People Who Blindly Followed Their GPS Into Disaster (Of The Day)

Sorry, folks, the GPS doesn't know you're morons.

From The Week.
Driving into the bay
Three Japanese tourists in Australia used their GPS to drive to North Stradbroke Island, just off the coast of Brisbane. But what the machine didn't account for was the nine miles of water dividing the island from the mainland. The road turned to gravel, then to thick mud, then to gentle laps of water against the tires. The three were forced to abandon the vehicle and return on foot.

Am I there yet?
All Sabine Moreau wanted to do was pick up a friend from the train station, which was north of her home in Hainault Erquelinees, Brussels. But when the GPS took her south instead, the 67-year-old didn't question it. She stuck by her GPS when she saw the signs for the German towns of Frankfurt, Aachen, and Cologne. And when the lengthy trip forced her to refuel twice, and pull over to catch a few hours of shut-eye — Moreau didn't question the machine even then. Only when she entered the Croatian capital of Zagreb did she finally realize something was up.

On
edge
In 2009, Robert Jones' reliance on his satellite navigation system nearly got the best of him when he was driving in West Yorkshire, England. The "road" began to steepen and narrow, but still he plugged on. "It kept insisting the path was a road," he later explained, "so I just trusted it." Jones only realized how wrong he was when his car stopped inches from a 100-foot drop. He managed to get out safely, but the car remained balanced on the edge. It took a recovery team nine hours to haul the car away, and Jones was given a court citation for driving without care and attention.

House call
Early one foggy Saturday morning in 2011, a father was driving his wife and two kids through South Brunswick, N.J. At a T intersection, where the only options were left and right, this driver opted instead to follow his GPS guidance and go straight. He missed the initial stop sign, ran over the lip of the curb, and continued for another 100 feet before running his car into a house.


Up a tree
In 2007, a 37-year-old German truck driver had his GPS guide him to a Swiss factory where he was to deliver his cargo. But instead of heeding the "no-entry" warning signs that should have deterred him, the driver followed the sound of the female voice until the truck ended up wedged in the cradle of a cherry tree.


(Read more)

Celebrity Name Puns Of The Day

Love these. From Buzzfeed.














More here.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

News: Mom Has Son Arrested For Stealing Her Pop-Tarts

Bitch be cray. The next time I feel like a crappy parent, I'm going to think of her.

From the Charlotte Observer.
Mom has son arrested for stealing her Pop-Tarts

A Charlotte woman had her son arrested for stealing her Pop-Tarts earlier this week.


According to a Charlotte-Mecklenburg police report, the mother called investigators on Monday to report her Pop-Tarts had been stolen from her home on Goldstaff Lane. She fingered her own son, who is a juvenile, as the culprit.


Neighbor Fred Patrick laughed when he first learned an arrest had been made over Pop-Tarts. He knows the young boy.


“He seems real nice to me. I mean, he is real respectful,” Patrick said.


The report said that the boy was placed under juvenile arrest and was charged with larceny/misdemeanor.


Another neighbor, Tiffany Covington, said in her house, food is there for everyone.


“It would be nice if they asked, but they don’t. They are kids,” she said.


The mom declined to comment.

Read more here: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2013/05/23/4058235/mom-has-son-arrested-for-stealing.html#storylink=cpy

Unfortunately Marked Animals Of The Day

Some are worse than others.

Dick the cat




Phantom of The Opurrra


In case he forgets what he is


Whoa! Mind f**k!


Puppy puppy


Holy cow!


You poor bastard


Kitler

Lil' Kitler


Aww


Worried cat is worried


Scorcese cat



Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Menopausal Woman With Car For Sale

craigslist > fort myers >



Menopausal woman with nasty temper has '85 Grand Prix for sale


Let's answer some questions before I describe the car, as there seems to be a bit of confusion:

1. NO, it is not a "condo-car" that's been garaged all its natural life. It's a $600 car.


2. YES, the odometer reads 24k miles, but I am VERY certain it has rolled over and it's actually 124k miles. It's a $600 car.


3. YES, it is restorable. Anything is restorable if you have the time and money! But, in its current condition, it's a $600 car.


4. YES, the interior is very clean. NOTICE I DID NOT SAY IT WAS MINT! It is clean... one tiny tear on the drivers seat back, broken arm-rest on drivers side, TWENTY THREE YEARS OLD!!! Again, it's a $600 car.


5. YES, it does start and run very well. My son drove it to and from work for several months while his other vehicle was being repaired. Not bad for a $600 car!


6. NO, my boyfriend and his tool box do NOT come with the car. In other words, you're buying a TWENTY-THREE YEAR OLD, SIX HUNDRED DOLLAR CAR, people! I cannot guarantee that it will "last at least a year" or that "it will make it all the way to Oregon in September." My crystal ball broke a lonnnnnng time ago. It's a $600 car.


7. YES, it is quiet. But will it disturb your neighbors? HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW? I don't even KNOW your neighbors! I know you can squeal tires pretty loudly, even in this old $600 car.


8. NO, I will NOT pay for your gas if you drive here from East Jesus and decide not to buy the car for any reason. Why would you drive 3 hours to buy a $600 car anyway?


9. NO, I am NOT interested in donating the car to your worthy cause. My son needs the money. Do you really think he'd be advertising this $600 car for SALE if he wanted to "help you out because you're down on your luck because your boyfriend left you and took your car and you have no way to get back and forth from...."?


10. Did I mention it's a $600 car? That does NOT mean it's a $400 car, or a $500 car, or even a $550 car! THE PRICE IS $600, get it?


11. NO, I do not own a firearm. Yet.
 


If you've read this far, then you must be somewhat interested in the car, right? Be advised, I am in no mood to be trifled with after the 250 stupid phone calls I received over the weekend. That's right... 250 asinine people asking stupid questions like those above.

Ever dealt with a woman who can't laugh or sneeze without pissing herself or whose hot-flashes run about 500 degrees? Seriously. Do NOT poke the bear, as you do so at your own risk.

I am not going to post my phone number, as my Xanax prescription is empty and I cannot afford to have it refilled until this Friday. 


That being said, I do have twenty photos of the car from every angle, aspect, perspective and view which I would be happy to send to you via email...only AFTER I have determined that you are not another idiot.


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