Wednesday, April 30, 2014

News: City Confiscates Man’s Electronics Because He Won’t Stop Blasting Celine Dion Song

He should move to Jamaica. They love Celine there. From Consumerist.
City Confiscates Man’s Electronics Because He Won’t Stop Blasting Celine Dion Song

There are people who like Celine Dion’s music, and then there’s a British man who took his love of “My Heart Will Go On” to such a loud, repetitive extreme that city officials were forced to confiscate his audio equipment to make him stop.

Across the pond on the fabled island of Albion — or England, you get it — neighbors of a 47-year-old man apparently obsessed with the French Canadian singer complained that he was constantly playing that one song, over and over and over again, reports United Press International.

Those grumblings led to the city council finding he’d violated a noise abatement notice times before, and it moved to take away his TV, laptop, speakers and PlayStation 3 — basically depriving him of the ability to blast Dion, or anything else (he also likes “Love Machine” by James Brown and the theme to Toy Story).

(read more)

26 Reaction GIFs For Almost Any Situation (Of The Day)

You're welcome.

Lip Sync Battle Of The Day: Fallon v. Stone

Both awesome but Emma wins. Link from Kyle Teichow.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

WTF Movie Of The Day: Zombeavers

Yep, it's real. Many thanks to Robert McLeod for the link.

Cinema Blend reveals the intricate plot of ZOMBEAVERS:
"The directorial debut of Crank Yankers's writer Jordan Rubin, Zombeavers begins in the familiar setting of a rural cabin that sits beside a seemingly placid lake. This is the isolated vacation spot where college co-eds Mary (Rachel Melvin), Zoe (Cortney Palm) and Jenn (Lexi Atkins) are taking a weekend away from boys, cellphones, and their troubles. But as night falls, their boyfriends drop by, followed soon after by even less-welcomed party-crashers, a pack of relentless, bloodthirsty, and mutated beavers. Now, these friends must band together to survive the night of the living zombeavers."

And you thought Sharknado sucked.

Here's the trailer.

List Of The Day: Hot Singles

From McSweeney's.
Hot Singles Are In Your Area!
BY Jack Urwin

Hot singles are in your area!

Hot singles want your body!

Hot singles just want someone to hold them on these cold, wintry nights!

Hot singles are making you breakfast!

Hot singles are inviting you to meet their parents upstate for Easter!

Hot singles are debating whether you move in together!

Hot singles are annoyed you’ve woken them up so early, it’s the fucking weekend man, can’t you let them sleep?

Hot singles are resigned to falling asleep in front of the TV now the initial passion and sexual desire has dissipated!

Hot singles don’t get why it’s such a problem they’ve spent three nights in a row out with their girlfriends, come on, do you want them to just stop having fun now?

Hot singles are wondering if there really is a future for you as a couple!

Hot singles really hate your indecisive nature, for crying out loud, it’s dinner, just pick one!

Hot singles are near the end of their tether!

Hot singles think you should maybe take a break but you plead with them to stay and work it out!

Hot singles stick around but the damage is done!

Hot singles propose some sort of counseling but you don’t really have the money and besides everything’s fine as it is!

Hot singles lie awake on the other side of the bed each night and sometimes you can hear their quiet sobbing!

Hot singles think you should see other people!

Hot singles are leaving your area and taking the kids with them!

People Who Forgot To Doublecheck The Photo Before Posting It (Of The Day)

Or maybe they didn't forget.

News: Gym Teacher Still Remembers Names Of Every Former Pantywaist

From The Onion.
Gym Teacher Still Remembers Names Of Every Former Pantywaist

MADISON, WI—Saying he could still picture every one of their sissy faces like it was yesterday, longtime high school gym teacher Arthur Toborg told reporters Monday he is able to recall the names of every former pantywaist he had in class.

“I bet if I went through year by year, I could tell you the name of every last little nancy I’ve taught who couldn’t do a single pull-up if their life depended on it,” said the P.E. instructor of 31 years, adding that each cream puff who was incapable of making an open lay-up or who winced and shrank away from catching pop flies during the softball unit was memorable in his own way.

“Even now, I can still see that little buttercup Timothy Wilmore doing push-ups on his knees. Good kid, that little wimp.”

Toborg went on to say that he could also recall every piece of grade-A jailbait he had ever ogled on the volleyball court.

Monday, April 28, 2014

My Top 5 Favorite James Taylor Songs

1. Never Die Young
2. Millworker
3. Sweet Baby James
4. Something In The Way She Moves
5. Blossom

Honorable Mentions: Carolina In My Mind, Frozen Man, Riding On A Railroad.

Vid Of The Day: How To Tell Black People Apart By David Alan Grier

To me, Grier will always be Don "No Soul" Simmons from Kentucky Fried Movie.

WTF Product Of The Day: Baby Masks

Jesus God WTF? These "award-winning" baby heads from artist Landon Meier aren't creepy at all! Three models available: Disgusted Baby, Happy Baby, and Cry Baby. See? Happy Baby wants to give you a haircut.

If you have $400-500 (plus shipping) to spare, grab a couple of these for your next staff meeting.

If you think it would be fun to wear these out in public just to fuck with people, well, you're in luck. It's already been done.

Sleep well tonight.

90s Book Titles That We Wish Existed (Of The Day)

From Buzzfeed. Thanks for the link, Suzanne Lybarger.

(more here)


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