Friday, August 29, 2014

Vid Of The Day: What Phish Sounds Like To People Who Don't Like Phish

Yes, exactly, because I am one of those people.



News: Maryland Woman Arrested For Hurling Bricks Through In-Laws' Windows Because "It Was Fun"

The best part of this is the mugshot.
Maryland Woman Arrested For Hurling Bricks Through In-Laws' Windows Because "It Was Fun"

LEONARDTOWN, Md., Aug. 12 (UPI) -- A Maryland woman apparently gets her kicks by tossing bricks thorough the windows of family members.

An officer from the St. Mary's County Sheriff's Office was summoned to a home in Leonardtown after getting a report about property destruction.

The residents of the home called police after someone, later identified as Michelle Waro, had started tossing bricks through windows at the home. According to the homeowner, Waro is his daughter-in-law.

When he arrived on the scene, Cpl. Connelly saw the 43-year-old suspect behind the home. With a laugh, she asked Connelly to "take me away because of this," Southern Maryland News Net reported.

(read more)

Thursday, August 28, 2014

This Is Hip-Hop (Of The Day)

No, this is crazy white people.



Disturbing Dating Site Photos Of The Day

And they wonder why they are single.













News Of The Day: Hello Kitty Is Not A Cat

She needs to shave, then.
From Incredible Things:

BREAKING: Everything you thought you knew is a lie. Hello Kitty is not, in fact, a cat. This news comes from Christine R. Yano, an anthropologist and curator for the Hello Kitty exhibit at the Los Angeles Japanese American National Museum.

Christine’s shocking discovery:

“That’s one correction Sanrio made for my script for the show. Hello Kitty is not a cat. She’s a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She’s never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature. She does have a pet cat of her own, however, and it’s called Charmmy Kitty."

"Kitty is actually named Kitty White and she has a full back story. She is a Scorpio. She loves apple pie. And she is the daughter of George and Mary White."

(read more)

Vid Of The Day: Slip 'n' Fly

This I would do.



Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Awkwardly Posed Models Of The Day

I hope they had a chiropractor on set. From Rich Girl Red.

Nobody looks up Baby's skirt.

Guess who has to pee?

Peeing.

Farrrrrrrrrrrrt!

"This looks like a good place to take a dump."

Any body of water will do.

The baby's crowning!

Drunk again.

Quasimodo prepares for the 40-yard dash.

Peeing.

Douchebag trap. Gotcha!

The classic "Dead Hooker At The Dump" pose.


(more here)

Study: 73% Of Bedroom Closets Have Wife’s Boy Toy Crouched Naked Inside

From The Onion.
Study: 73% Of Bedroom Closets Have Wife’s Boy Toy Crouched Naked Inside

ITHACA, NY—According to a Cornell University study released Wednesday, nearly three in four bedroom closets in U.S. family residences currently contain the wife’s naked, crouching boy toy.

“After examining more than 20,000 closets nationwide, we found that a full 73 percent of them are presently occupied by a young pool boy, landscaper, or teenage neighbor who is peering through the door slats either fully nude or in hastily donned boxer shorts,” read the 40-page report, which confirmed that each one of the boy toys is, at this moment, hiding among the husband’s hanging dress shirts while attempting to remain completely motionless and control the volume of his breathing.

“Also, in over 90 percent of these cases, we found that the cowering swain is looking on wide-eyed as the negligee-clad wife scrambles to assume a seated position on the bed and give the appearance that she’s just casually flipping through a magazine on her nightstand.”

The study went on to note that the remaining 27 percent of the nation’s bedroom closets contain the husband’s boy toy.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Monday, August 25, 2014

Old-Fashioned Curse Words Of The Day

I must find a way to work these into my everyday cusserations. Link from Sharon Cline.
From Mental Floss:
"Taboos against what we would today consider pretty mild exclamations like "damn!" "hell!" and "Jesus Christ!" led the swearers of years past to come up with creative substitutions that gave them some measure of emotional release while keeping within the bounds of propriety. These substitutions are called "minced oaths," and they've left their mark on our vocabulary.
Gosh, gee, golly, dagnamit, darn, drat, gadzooks, zounds, heck, and cripes are all minced oaths that are still around to charm us with their innocent old-timey ring. But there are others you may not have heard of."

CONSARN!

A substitute for "goddamn." From an 1854 Dictionary of Northamptonshire words: "Consarn you! If you don't mind what you're about I'll give it to you!" Slow down and hit both syllables equally hard, and it's like squeezing a stress ball.

BEJABBERS!

A substitute for "by Jesus!" that is similar to "bejesus!" but jabbier. An Irish import, along the lines of "faith and begorrah!" Especially good for toe-stubbing.

GREAT HORN SPOON!

Something you can swear by, used in a way similar to "by God!" It seems to have come from seafaring slang, and might refer to the Big Dipper.

GOSH-ALL POTOMAC!

This one goes along with the rest of the "gosh all" family: goshamighty, gosh-all-hemlock, gosh all fish-hooks, etc. "Gosh all Potomac" is the earliest one attested in the Dictionary of American English on Historical Principles, and it's about time we brought it back.

BY THE DOUBLE-BARRELED JUMPING JIMINETTY!

It's too bad the tradition of productive, long "by the" swears has fallen out of fashion. You could load enough crazy-sounding nonsense on there to really scare your kids into cleaning their rooms.

G. ROVER CRIPES!

One of the minced oaths that approximate the sounds in "Jesus Christ!" it uses all the strategies found elsewhere: the "gee" sound (Gee! Jeepers! Jeez!), the middle name (Jesus H. Particular Christ!), and the "cr" sound (Crikey! Criminy! Cracky! Christmas!).

THUNDERATION!

A substitute for "damnation," similar to "tarnation" and "botheration." WTF is so tired. Try "What in thunderation?" instead.


(more here)

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Gene Simmons KISS Chair

best of craigslist > st louis >

Gene Simmons KISS chair

This chair was made for an art class in college. Has seen a few years in a basement but if someone wants it, it's yours or if not, it's the garbage's.

Features:

- Chest hair made out of moss
- 3D carved Styrofoam tongue
- Real boots


News: Parents Call Cops On Sexting Daughter

They must like attorney fees. Just take the phone away, people.
Parents Turn In 13-Year-Old Daughter To Cops Over Nude Pics On Cell Phone

DINWIDDIE COUNTY, Va. — A Dinwiddie mother got a nasty shock when she went through her daughter’s cell phone and tablet. The pictures she discovered were so disturbing that she turned the girl in to sheriff’s deputies.

The parents discovered their 13-year-old daughter, who is about to enter the eighth-grade, had been sending and receiving naked pictures of other teens using her tablet.

And the deeper they dug, the worse it got. In fact, things got so bad they called in the sheriff’s department to investigate.

“What scares me is, this is much bigger than we realize. How many others are doing this and you don’t realize it,” asked the Dinwiddie County mother of two.

(read more)

Friday, August 22, 2014

News: Contestant on TV's "Naked Dating" Sues VH1 For Being Shown Naked On TV

Imagine that.
Contestant on TV's "Naked Dating" Sues For Being Shown Naked On TV

In a move that's kind of like sitting in the front row at SeaWorld and then suing them for getting wet, a contestant on VH1's low-concept, goods-as-advertised, "Ah, fuck it"-style reality show, "Dating Naked," is suing the producers after she appeared on the show naked (NSFW) whilst on a date. Yep.

Jessie Nizewitz - an aspiring runway model by trade - was apparently repeatedly assured by producers of the show that her personal business would be blurred out.

However when her episode went to air, in a segment where she performed some manner of wrestling manoeuvre on her date, the briefest glimpse of her crotch apparently made it to air un-blurred.

Admittedly, in a show where people are naked constantly, blurring everything is a pretty big job. But still, one shot slipped through the cracks, and therefore lawsuit, right?

So sayeth Nizewitz: "I immediately started getting text messages. Everyone saw it. My Grandma saw it. I saw her this week and she didn’t have much to say to me. She’s probably mad. My parents are just annoyed."

(read more)

Amusing TV Captions Of The Day, Vol. 4

These never get old to me.



(Previous volumes here and here.)


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