Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Shakespeare's Work E-Mails Of The Day

From McSweeney's.
All the world’s a stage,
and all the men and women merely players:
they have their exits and their entrances;
So let’s reconnect on this over the weekend.

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Feel free to reach out if you have further Q’s.

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
We’ve got some great momentum going here;
Will this be done by EOD? By COB?

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than will fit in our engagement strategy.

Hath ye spied that client feedback? It is an email
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind.
It’s an optics thing.

My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
Prodigious birth of love it is to me
The only K-cups left are blueberry!

News: Naked Guy Falls Through Ceiling Into Women’s Bathroom Before Assaulting Elderly Man

Dumbass. That trick only works in Porky's movies.
Naked Guy Falls Through Ceiling Into Women’s Bathroom Before Assaulting Elderly Man

On Saturday, a 26-year-old Boston man snuck into a woman's bathroom at Logan Airport, took off all his clothes, and climbed up into a crawl space. Unfortunately for him, he was a little too heavy for the hiding spot and came crashing through the ceiling

After tumbling through the ceiling into the woman's bathroom, Cameron Shenk ran out into the airport naked and began assaulting a random elderly man. He reportedly bit the 84-year-old man's ear and attempted to choke him with his own cane.

The man was taken to the hospital to have his ear treated.

Shenk has been charged with "attempted murder, mayhem, assault and battery on a person over 60, assault and battery on a police officer, lewd and lascivious conduct and malicious destruction to property."

(Source)

Monday, November 24, 2014

Bad "Professional" Photography Of The Day

"Hey, my brother-in-law is a photographer. He'll give you a good price."

Is that a giant turd?

This one looks like it was cropped by someone with hooks for hands.

We can still see you.

Erin Owterkrotch

Fresh hot loaf in 5...4...3...

WTF does this even mean?

My tit is a planet.

Toot toot, peanut butter.

Smell this. Does it smell like ass to you?

Don't worry, I'll eat you fast.


News: Former Porn Star Wears Colander In Driver's License Photo

The colander is the least of her worries in this photo.
Former porn star wears colander in UT driver’s license photo

ST. GEORGE, Utah — A Utah woman said she is the fourth person in the country who was allowed to wear a colander in her driver’s license photo in expression of her religious beliefs.

“Woohoo! My new driver’s license is here! I’m officially the first Pastafarian in Utah!! And the 4th one in the US – 2 in CA, 1 in OK, and me in UT. *happy dance*,” Asia Carrera-Lemmon said in a Facebook post.

Carrera-Lemmon identifies herself as an atheist and a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Members of the church sometimes call themselves Pastafarians.

Carrera-Lemmon, whose legal name “Jessica Steinhauser” appears on her driver’s license, lists Vivid Video, an adult film company, as an employer. Her IMDB.com profile lists appearances in 277 productions, including an uncredited appearance in the 1997 cult film “The Big Lebowski.”

(Source)

Vid Of The Day: Super Bad Mario #2

Link from Hannah N.



Friday, November 21, 2014

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

News: School Library Steam-Cleaned Following Porn Shoot

I went to the wrong college.
School Library Steam-Cleaned Following Porn Shoot

NEWCASTLE, Australia, Nov. 18 (UPI) -- Australia's Newcastle University said its library was steam cleaned after officials discovered a student was using the facility to film pornographic videos.

Officials said staff at the Auchmuty library were informed in October that a student had been filming sexually explicit videos in the facility and posting them to a pay-per-view pornographic website.

Parts of the library were ordered to be steam cleaned and pictures of the student were given to staff with instructions to alert security if she entered the library, officials said.

A university spokeswoman told the Newcastle Herald administrators were "very disappointed" to learn the student was "using internet facilities inappropriately on campus."

(read more)

Commuters With Cartoon Heads Of The Day

Clever idea! I laughed.

From Twisted Sifter:
To help pass the time on his train ride to work, writer October Jones draws cartoon heads on any piece of paper he can find, turning his fellow commuters into a funny series of characters. He tweets the humorous results to his 68K+ followers on Twitter (@OctoberJones)


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